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Post by wanttoknowthetruth on Oct 24, 2022 1:49:29 GMT
For any of you who are still PR but want to leave, why can’t you leave right now? Vent about it here! Ex members who previously had the same issues, please share your stories as well! I won't share too much because I don't want to dox myself. But a few general things: Unlike many PRs and exPRs, my fear was not being shunned. Many of my friends and family are already outside of the PR churches For me, I was highly involved with the life of my church to the point I was entangled in it. I fell into the "sunk cost" fallacy; because I had invested so much into it, I didn't feel right about walking away. Ironically, the more involved I became, the more I saw the flaws, hypocrisy, and downright horrors of the PRC. Their pride, ignorance, and stubbornness that resisted all forms of change began to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I think the hardest part was struggling with the fact that I had learned so much there. The PRC did fairly well in teaching me about God, for which I will forever be thankful. However, what the PRC failed to do was teach me how to live with God and my neighbor, and how to truly love God and anyone I interacted with. Life and love were not there. It was a cold, dead church. Leaving behind something you previously loved (in child like innocence/ ignorance) so much is hard. It's like breaking up with someone you've dated for a long time. You know them, and you know what to expect from them, but you also know this relationship is hurting you. So although it hurts to say goodbye, and it's scary to try something new, for your own well-being you have to leave. l I completely agree
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Post by singlepr on Oct 28, 2022 7:57:32 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though.
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Post by blessed2be on Oct 28, 2022 11:57:04 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. What a wretched comment from a horrible person. Knowing how to cook and bake is an AWESOME quality. My husband also loves to cook and I love that he loves it too. 😊 I am so glad you left too and have such a wonderful wife and life! You deserve it. I think PR people love to judge what they do not know. I speak only from my own experience, but every man I've known in the PR churches can't cook. Grill a bit- yeah they can do that. My dad and brothers could hardly cook an egg. It was the "woman's job" so they didn't need to learn how. Kind of like how my dad wouldn't teach me to change my oil or tire. He said my husband can do that. I'm all for my sons and daughters to learn how to cook, bake, take care of their vehicle, whatever it may be. They can learn to be independent on their own.
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Post by prnolonger on Oct 28, 2022 13:11:11 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. I am also a man that enjoys doing some things that are stereotypically female in the PRC culture. I can cook, I'm great with kids, and I enjoy performing certain chores. Ask my wife if she thinks that makes me more or less of a good partner. Haters gonna hate.
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Post by cannalily on Oct 28, 2022 13:29:25 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. I am also a man that enjoys doing some things that are stereotypically female in the PRC culture. I can cook, I'm great with kids, and I enjoy performing certain chores. Ask my wife if she thinks that makes me more or less of a good partner. Haters gonna hate. That's exactly what that was - jealousy. They couldn't stand your freedom to cook, so instead they joked as they ate your food.
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Post by prnolonger on Oct 28, 2022 13:41:18 GMT
I am also a man that enjoys doing some things that are stereotypically female in the PRC culture. I can cook, I'm great with kids, and I enjoy performing certain chores. Ask my wife if she thinks that makes me more or less of a good partner. Haters gonna hate. That's exactly what that was - jealousy. They couldn't stand your freedom to cook, so instead they joked as they ate your food. It's this Key and Peele sketch, but with cooking instead of reading.
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Post by throwaway2018 on Oct 28, 2022 13:43:27 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. My husband also really enjoys cooking and is great at it. When we have parties, people come to thank me for the meal and I always tell them they need to go to my husband and thank him, he's the one that planned and made everything. It can be really frustrating to deal with, honestly. I'm sorry you were treated like you were less than for being a helpful, responsible person. Honestly, I think a for a lot of people these criticisms come from a place of insecurity, because they're confronted with the idea that it's actually not impossible for men to have domestic skills. I bet your wife really appreciates your talents, I know I really appreciate my husband's.
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Post by cannalily on Oct 28, 2022 13:46:23 GMT
That's exactly what that was - jealousy. They couldn't stand your freedom to cook, so instead they joked as they ate your food. It's this Key and Peele sketch, but with cooking instead of reading. This is brilliant, and spot on. Thanks for posting this.
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Post by fellowhuman on Oct 28, 2022 15:01:11 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. What a wretched comment from a horrible person. Knowing how to cook and bake is an AWESOME quality. My husband also loves to cook and I love that he loves it too. 😊 I am so glad you left too and have such a wonderful wife and life! You deserve it. I think PR people love to judge what they do not know. I speak only from my own experience, but every man I've known in the PR churches can't cook. Grill a bit- yeah they can do that. My dad and brothers could hardly cook an egg. It was the "woman's job" so they didn't need to learn how. Kind of like how my dad wouldn't teach me to change my oil or tire. He said my husband can do that. I'm all for my sons and daughters to learn how to cook, bake, take care of their vehicle, whatever it may be. They can learn to be independent on their own. I'm a man and if I can get away with never touching any part of a car engine I will. Or talking about cars. So dull. Opinion only, of course.
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Post by pemptyr on Oct 28, 2022 16:23:28 GMT
My Italian neighbor cooked all the time, I heard other guys talk about cooking, it made me feel like less because I never knew how to cook so I never liked it when they would talk about it. What they said to you is the other kind of abuse prevalent in the prc
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Post by tryingtoleave on Oct 28, 2022 16:35:30 GMT
I grew up begging my dad to teach me how to change a tire, or restart a car, or how to do house projects and build different things, and he never did. Of course he did for my brothers. I ended up having to figure out that stuff for myself. It definitely is interesting seeing how a lot of people actually share the house responsibilities. I know couples were the guys do a big portion of the cooking/ cleaning/ raising children. It is one of my favorite things to see
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Post by Feminist on Oct 28, 2022 16:42:58 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. Good for you! I could write a book with some of the experiences as a single PR. What a jerk! And you know the others were thinking it and gossiping about your sexual orientation. Nobody stands up for anybody in that freaking church!
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Post by Feminist on Oct 28, 2022 16:59:17 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. Good for you! I could write a book with some of the experiences as a single PR. What a jerk! And you know the others were thinking it and gossiping about your sexual orientation. Nobody stands up for anybody in that freaking church! And you know what? (Now my dander is up). I’m really sick and tired of the “Jeez, I was just joking, can’t he take a joke” attitude in the PRC. You just insulted someone with your “joke” and now cannot bear the burden of shame for that, so you throw it back on the victim of your insult. I’m so very tired of that! It’s never funny!!
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Post by questioneverything on Oct 28, 2022 19:13:07 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. And if this helped get you out the door I bet your dishes became more spicy, more savory, and open to other cultural culinary delights. I am a man, I'm 40! (for you NFL fans), actually I am older, and cooking is one of my favorite things. I've been told I'm a gourmet. Cooking calms me and allows for creativity. I am sure your wife appreciates your skills, chicks dig guys with skills, by the way.
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Post by Sophia M. on Oct 29, 2022 14:26:45 GMT
My vent: I am a straight man, who enjoys cooking and baking. I would regularly prepare food items for church events, and at times, entire meals for church fundraising dinners (young peoples, etc.) I happened to also be living with a male roommate. I would always be given the side eye at church. But chalked it all up to my being very introverted and socially anxious. The final straw came when someone told me to my face that I would make someone a good wife someday. WTF kind of messed up person would say that to someone? I straight up stormed out of the building, swearing I would never cook anything for any PR church event, and as I departed, said loud enough for everyone to hear that I hope they enjoyed their meal, because it's the last thing I'd ever make for the church. I left the PR soon after and found another church where I was accepted for who I am, and am married to the best wife a man could wish for. This event still regularly comes to mind to torment me though. I am sorry that happened to you. That is a form of gender based harassment, and it diminished you and all men for implying real men don't or can't or shouldn't cook, and diminished all women for implying that women who don't or can't cook are bad wives. I am a substitute teacher in the local school district at the middle school level, and I have seen a few social-emotional curriculum lessons and language arts readings that are addressing the problem of teasing or belittling a person for having interests or hobbies that don't fit the traditional gender roles or stereotypes. This is one of the many ways that I see how activities and messages in public schools can move closer to God's inclusive and welcoming energy than some religious circles are willing to be. Many religious people I know would scoff at curriculum that gets 11, 12, 13 year olds considering about gender-based harassment, but when you think about it, it is such a valuable topic to discuss and reflect upon. And so glad you love to cook and gave up a hostile social circle rather than giving up your gift/hobby/skill! When I got married, my husband and I learned together how to cook as a shared chore and hobby, and we trade back and forth on the weekly supper cooking rotation. He is a more enthusiastic and ambitious menu planner than I, esp when it comes to holiday and special occasion desserts. One of his favorite forms of recreation when he has down time on the weekends, and this skill of his adds a lot of joy and pleasure to our household and to our guests. It is such a core skill that enhances any adult's capacity to be a hospitable person, a caregiving parent, maybe even an effective deacon!
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