Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 14, 2022 10:41:04 GMT
Part 2.
Good morning forum. Just letting you all know that Part 2 is released tonight at 6:30pm EST. The support and love I have received from so many is appreciated beyond words.
On another note. If any current members of the PR/RP comment on it, I see that as a good thing! Please engage respectfully with them and attempt to open a dialog. Change is long overdue and without dialog, step 1 to a new way of handling abuse will never happen!
I realized the other day that many in those churches feel I am directly attacking a beloved institution that they hold dear. It's their way of life and the reason they do what they do. It's HARD to look inward and have to admit that it's been done wrong for decades. I can only imagine what it feels like to come to terms with the endless stories of abuse and realize your denomination allowed this cycle to endlessly repeat.
If someone came into my world and attempted to change things, I'd likely have some things to say also. In the end though, I hope I would realize that maybe, just maybe, they cared enough about me to address something that was necessary to change and I could be receptive to at least discussing it.
If you are in those churches, please, if you can, watch this and then ask to talk about it. It's not easy stuff. It's not a fun topic. But open discussion for the sake of being a truly God filled haven is healthy and needed. Trust me, I know that talking about this isn't comfortable and many prefer it just went away. I remember and I know the culture.
I was abrupt with 1 and blunt with another yesterday to current PR members who responded to me. I'm a bit ashamed of that as I had an opportunity to try and engage them in meaningful conversion. I was sapped when their messages came as I had a day full of people reaching out with countless stories of abuse that left my soul heavy. Because it was so fresh, I responded in a way that I wish had been different. I didn't say anything I don't believe or feel. But the WAY I said it could have been better.
So here's my public apology to beachbum and pemptyr. I did not address you the way I wish I had. I want conversation on this topic and I desperately want the abused members in the church to be supported and helped. I promise both of you that I will not respond so tersely if you choose to engage with me again. I will respect you and be thankful for an opportunity to talk. I'm fully aware that many won't like the podcast and I'm willing to talk about the WHY of that.
Now my day can continue and I hope you have the best Thursday ever!
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Post by healing on Jul 14, 2022 18:54:26 GMT
Good morning forum. Just letting you all know that Part 2 is released tonight at 6:30pm EST. The support and love I have received from so many is appreciated beyond words. On another note. If any current members of the PR/RP comment on it, I see that as a good thing! Please engage respectfully with them and attempt to open a dialog. Change is long overdue and without dialog, step 1 to a new way of handling abuse will never happen! I realized the other day that many in those churches feel I am directly attacking a beloved institution that they hold dear. It's their way of life and the reason they do what they do. It's HARD to look inward and have to admit that it's been done wrong for decades. I can only imagine what it feels like to come to terms with the endless stories of abuse and realize your denomination allowed this cycle to endlessly repeat. If someone came into my world and attempted to change things, I'd likely have some things to say also. In the end though, I hope I would realize that maybe, just maybe, they cared enough about me to address something that was necessary to change and I could be receptive to at least discussing it. If you are in those churches, please, if you can, watch this and then ask to talk about it. It's not easy stuff. It's not a fun topic. But open discussion for the sake of being a truly God filled haven is healthy and needed. Trust me, I know that talking about this isn't comfortable and many prefer it just went away. I remember and I know the culture. I was abrupt with 1 and blunt with another yesterday to current PR members who responded to me. I'm a bit ashamed of that as I had an opportunity to try and engage them in meaningful conversion. I was sapped when their messages came as I had a day full of people reaching out with countless stories of abuse that left my soul heavy. Because it was so fresh, I responded in a way that I wish had been different. I didn't say anything I don't believe or feel. But the WAY I said it could have been better. So here's my public apology to beachbum and pemptyr. I did not address you the way I wish I had. I want conversation on this topic and I desperately want the abused members in the church to be supported and helped. I promise both of you that I will not respond so tersely if you choose to engage with me again. I will respect you and be thankful for an opportunity to talk. I'm fully aware that many won't like the podcast and I'm willing to talk about the WHY of that. Now my day can continue and I hope you have the best Thursday ever! A process that all of us need to go through regularly! I could have done that better, help me God to do that differently next time! I thought of everyone here as I listened to this podcast this morning regarding peacemaking. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-emotionally-healthy-leader-podcast/id1064966935?i=1000569667057Heidi, I think you are hoping (as I do) for real peace and restoration which involves us being honest and somewhat disruptive to the status quo. It involves speaking truth to injustice and harm. We have to say “it’s not ok” when it isn’t. Instead of “it’s fine”, like we’ve all been trained to do! (This is false peace!!!) Speaking up is NOT easy when this is your upbringing. Humility is an essential component of speaking the truth in love, which your post displays well…let’s all keep trying to get it right. We can mess up and try again! I’m looking forward to the release of part 2 this evening!
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Post by prnolonger on Jul 15, 2022 0:20:02 GMT
Just finished. The vulnerability you showed in describing the depths of your loneliness, Heidi, I felt it. One big factor in the value of this forum is to show that we are not alone. If anybody out there reading this forum is suicidal, you're not alone.
You are right, Heidi. There is work to be done.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 0:47:37 GMT
The link to Part 2!
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Post by questioneverything on Jul 15, 2022 1:27:02 GMT
Thank you for your story, I especially thank you for being human. Stories need to be told, we need to be reminded we are human. Peace, brave Heidi. My wife and I cried tears of sorrow and joy tonight, and we're glad we are human with you, we all with so many stories, sans those who call us out or call us queens; our crowns hold no jewels, no gold, no precious metals...but desires. Desires for endings, desires for beginnings, desires for understanding. A desire, a cry for the pain to end. Will it end? I don't know...The Judgement and the Damage Done.
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Post by Feminist on Jul 15, 2022 1:31:25 GMT
Good morning forum. Just letting you all know that Part 2 is released tonight at 6:30pm EST. The support and love I have received from so many is appreciated beyond words. On another note. If any current members of the PR/RP comment on it, I see that as a good thing! Please engage respectfully with them and attempt to open a dialog. Change is long overdue and without dialog, step 1 to a new way of handling abuse will never happen! I realized the other day that many in those churches feel I am directly attacking a beloved institution that they hold dear. It's their way of life and the reason they do what they do. It's HARD to look inward and have to admit that it's been done wrong for decades. I can only imagine what it feels like to come to terms with the endless stories of abuse and realize your denomination allowed this cycle to endlessly repeat. If someone came into my world and attempted to change things, I'd likely have some things to say also. In the end though, I hope I would realize that maybe, just maybe, they cared enough about me to address something that was necessary to change and I could be receptive to at least discussing it. If you are in those churches, please, if you can, watch this and then ask to talk about it. It's not easy stuff. It's not a fun topic. But open discussion for the sake of being a truly God filled haven is healthy and needed. Trust me, I know that talking about this isn't comfortable and many prefer it just went away. I remember and I know the culture. I was abrupt with 1 and blunt with another yesterday to current PR members who responded to me. I'm a bit ashamed of that as I had an opportunity to try and engage them in meaningful conversion. I was sapped when their messages came as I had a day full of people reaching out with countless stories of abuse that left my soul heavy. Because it was so fresh, I responded in a way that I wish had been different. I didn't say anything I don't believe or feel. But the WAY I said it could have been better. So here's my public apology to beachbum and pemptyr. I did not address you the way I wish I had. I want conversation on this topic and I desperately want the abused members in the church to be supported and helped. I promise both of you that I will not respond so tersely if you choose to engage with me again. I will respect you and be thankful for an opportunity to talk. I'm fully aware that many won't like the podcast and I'm willing to talk about the WHY of that. Now my day can continue and I hope you have the best Thursday ever! . I didn’t see that thread until after it closed. Heidi, honestly, I thought the attitude towards you was sh1tty and I’m not ashamed to say it and won’t apologize for how I’m saying it. I don’t think you need to apologize for defending yourself (you didn’t) or for the WAY you defended yourself. When I was still PR and even after coming out of it, I was so closed off emotionally. I was an a$$ to people who were hurting sometimes, because I thought I had it worse (everyone else was all smiles, so it was all good, right?). It wasn’t until I was hit over the head, so to speak, by friends who looked shocked and told me that was a horrible attitude, that I re-evaluated my position. I got counseling (it wasn’t great, but it helped a little) and mostly letting myself feel the hurt and anger without shoving it back down. I slowly broke down my walls and now can cry and feel hurts, and be a decent human being who can love others.. Who am I now, I would never say such a sh1tty thing like “don’t be so dramatic”. But had I said that before, I would have deserved that response. It provides a much needed wake up call or at least a life lesson on treating people well. Apologies for how you handled a personal attack on a forum isn’t necessary. That’s my humble opinion, my two cents. I’m sick of people feeling they must apologize for being brackish under inappropriate “attack”. You don’t owe anyone an apology! Obviously I’m not fully healed, this is my anger coming out, my dander is up. It’s a process… Also, just watched part two. I can only imagine the spectrum of emotions you have been dealing with. I support you. I support you. I support you.
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Post by Feminist on Jul 15, 2022 1:41:21 GMT
Good morning forum. Just letting you all know that Part 2 is released tonight at 6:30pm EST. The support and love I have received from so many is appreciated beyond words. On another note. If any current members of the PR/RP comment on it, I see that as a good thing! Please engage respectfully with them and attempt to open a dialog. Change is long overdue and without dialog, step 1 to a new way of handling abuse will never happen! I realized the other day that many in those churches feel I am directly attacking a beloved institution that they hold dear. It's their way of life and the reason they do what they do. It's HARD to look inward and have to admit that it's been done wrong for decades. I can only imagine what it feels like to come to terms with the endless stories of abuse and realize your denomination allowed this cycle to endlessly repeat. If someone came into my world and attempted to change things, I'd likely have some things to say also. In the end though, I hope I would realize that maybe, just maybe, they cared enough about me to address something that was necessary to change and I could be receptive to at least discussing it. If you are in those churches, please, if you can, watch this and then ask to talk about it. It's not easy stuff. It's not a fun topic. But open discussion for the sake of being a truly God filled haven is healthy and needed. Trust me, I know that talking about this isn't comfortable and many prefer it just went away. I remember and I know the culture. I was abrupt with 1 and blunt with another yesterday to current PR members who responded to me. I'm a bit ashamed of that as I had an opportunity to try and engage them in meaningful conversion. I was sapped when their messages came as I had a day full of people reaching out with countless stories of abuse that left my soul heavy. Because it was so fresh, I responded in a way that I wish had been different. I didn't say anything I don't believe or feel. But the WAY I said it could have been better. So here's my public apology to beachbum and pemptyr. I did not address you the way I wish I had. I want conversation on this topic and I desperately want the abused members in the church to be supported and helped. I promise both of you that I will not respond so tersely if you choose to engage with me again. I will respect you and be thankful for an opportunity to talk. I'm fully aware that many won't like the podcast and I'm willing to talk about the WHY of that. Now my day can continue and I hope you have the best Thursday ever! . I didn’t see that thread until after it closed. Heidi, honestly, I thought the attitude towards you was sh1tty and I’m not ashamed to say it and won’t apologize for how I’m saying it. I don’t think you need to apologize for defending yourself (you didn’t) or for the WAY you defended yourself. When I was still PR and even after coming out of it, I was so closed off emotionally. I was an a$$ to people who were hurting sometimes, because I thought I had it worse (everyone else was all smiles, so it was all good, right?). It wasn’t until I was hit over the head, so to speak, by friends who looked shocked and told me that was a horrible attitude, that I re-evaluated my position. I got counseling (it wasn’t great, but it helped a little) and mostly letting myself feel the hurt and anger without shoving it back down. I slowly broke down my walls and now can cry and feel hurts, and be a decent human being who can love others.. Who am I now, I would never say such a sh1tty thing like “don’t be so dramatic”. But had I said that before, I would have deserved that response. It provides a much needed wake up call or at least a life lesson on treating people well. Apologies for how you handled a personal attack on a forum isn’t necessary. That’s my humble opinion, my two cents. I’m sick of people feeling they must apologize for being brackish under inappropriate “attack”. You don’t owe anyone an apology! Obviously I’m not fully healed, this is my anger coming out, my dander is up. It’s a process… Also, just watched part two. I can only imagine the spectrum of emotions you have been dealing with. I support you. I support you. I support you. I would like to as d, I don’t hate or dislike beachbum or pemptyr either. I like them even if I do get upset from time to time. I’m glad you are here and engaging and would probably enjoy talking with you in person. You are not hated here, just being called out . Like I said, I have been called out myself and still deserve it from time to time. It’s a good thing, we keep each other in line.
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Post by healing on Jul 15, 2022 2:30:10 GMT
Heidi, I am so grateful for this podcast. I’m so grateful for you.
I’m also deeply sad that this is our spiritual heritage.
I’m so very sorry for all you had to suffer and for all that your children had to suffer too.
Im so thankful you did not end your beautiful life! That you began to agree with Gods words to you (beloved child!) rather than the words of THE accuser to you.
I so badly wished for a prodigal fathers embrace for you when your dad came to see you. I’m deeply saddened that he didn’t at least take the opportunity to say I love you. And I’m angry that he was such a coward that he had to corner you at your workplace. It’s clear that his intention was shame and humiliation. 😔
I long for the PRC to begin disciplining the shunners - the unrepentantly proud who put the law above people. Nobody has ever been called to repentance by the harshness of God. Only through His deep kindness. Through love in action…this is where it all begins as you put it so well.
I believe in the upside down kingdom of God where the first will be last and the last will be first. Heaven will be full of misfits and outcasts and many eyes will be opened on that day. Gods love is surprising, overwhelming and bigger than the box they put Him in!! It is daily work for me too to believe this with all of my baggage too.
None of us are alone.
Praise the Lord for the work He is doing through you and through all of us! 🙌
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 2:40:46 GMT
Just finished. The vulnerability you showed in describing the depths of your loneliness, Heidi, I felt it. One big factor in the value of this forum is to show that we are not alone. If anybody out there reading this forum is suicidal, you're not alone. You are right, Heidi. There is work to be done. So much work to be done! I just watched the second podcast for the first time and I was shocked at how hard it was for me to watch. Things do not have to be like that! Things should NEVER be that way, especially in a church!
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Post by Andatlastiseethelight on Jul 15, 2022 3:03:22 GMT
I think all of us who have gone through the emotional/verbal/spiritual trauma from facing hard-heartedness from family and friends who are supposed to ostracize you—and who understand the toxicity of it, but yet don’t understand WHAT they are protecting. …there is a lot of damage and restructuring we have to do to come out of it, and then THRIVE.
Thank you for being a voice for so many of us!
It’s all about loving 🥰 those around us!
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 13:43:08 GMT
Thank you for your story, I especially thank you for being human. Stories need to be told, we need to be reminded we are human. Peace, brave Heidi. My wife and I cried tears of sorrow and joy tonight, and we're glad we are human with you, we all with so many stories, sans those who call us out or call us queens; our crowns hold no jewels, no gold, no precious metals...but desires. Desires for endings, desires for beginnings, desires for understanding. A desire, a cry for the pain to end. Will it end? I don't know...The Judgement and the Damage Done. Please do not give up hope. I will not give up and I need you and your wife and so many others cheering me on. Alone, I am small. With you all around me, I am mighty! Yes, judgement and damage is and has been done and it is HORRIFIC. I just hope that I can be some sort of beauty from ashes. Together, we can make something beautiful happen. Sending so much love and support to you both. I truly love you and everyone else who have welcomed, accepted, supported, and shown me love and grace through this process! Love always wins. I believe that. Fear, manipulation, and conditional love cannot retain their hold when the ones under their grip experience real love and acceptance. I have all the weapons I need. I have love and that's what I am going after them with. I'm going to love their congregants so hard, and so big, and so undeniably that it's going to start looking appealing to be in the sunlight! There's so much darkness there and living things do not grow in the dark. That's my game plan and that's how I'm going to war. It's a fight I will fight until I die if I have to. I t all comes from a place of deep love and compassion. A place of understanding. And that my friend, is the secret to winning.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 13:49:00 GMT
Good morning forum. Just letting you all know that Part 2 is released tonight at 6:30pm EST. The support and love I have received from so many is appreciated beyond words. On another note. If any current members of the PR/RP comment on it, I see that as a good thing! Please engage respectfully with them and attempt to open a dialog. Change is long overdue and without dialog, step 1 to a new way of handling abuse will never happen! I realized the other day that many in those churches feel I am directly attacking a beloved institution that they hold dear. It's their way of life and the reason they do what they do. It's HARD to look inward and have to admit that it's been done wrong for decades. I can only imagine what it feels like to come to terms with the endless stories of abuse and realize your denomination allowed this cycle to endlessly repeat. If someone came into my world and attempted to change things, I'd likely have some things to say also. In the end though, I hope I would realize that maybe, just maybe, they cared enough about me to address something that was necessary to change and I could be receptive to at least discussing it. If you are in those churches, please, if you can, watch this and then ask to talk about it. It's not easy stuff. It's not a fun topic. But open discussion for the sake of being a truly God filled haven is healthy and needed. Trust me, I know that talking about this isn't comfortable and many prefer it just went away. I remember and I know the culture. I was abrupt with 1 and blunt with another yesterday to current PR members who responded to me. I'm a bit ashamed of that as I had an opportunity to try and engage them in meaningful conversion. I was sapped when their messages came as I had a day full of people reaching out with countless stories of abuse that left my soul heavy. Because it was so fresh, I responded in a way that I wish had been different. I didn't say anything I don't believe or feel. But the WAY I said it could have been better. So here's my public apology to beachbum and pemptyr. I did not address you the way I wish I had. I want conversation on this topic and I desperately want the abused members in the church to be supported and helped. I promise both of you that I will not respond so tersely if you choose to engage with me again. I will respect you and be thankful for an opportunity to talk. I'm fully aware that many won't like the podcast and I'm willing to talk about the WHY of that. Now my day can continue and I hope you have the best Thursday ever! . I didn’t see that thread until after it closed. Heidi, honestly, I thought the attitude towards you was sh1tty and I’m not ashamed to say it and won’t apologize for how I’m saying it. I don’t think you need to apologize for defending yourself (you didn’t) or for the WAY you defended yourself. When I was still PR and even after coming out of it, I was so closed off emotionally. I was an a$$ to people who were hurting sometimes, because I thought I had it worse (everyone else was all smiles, so it was all good, right?). It wasn’t until I was hit over the head, so to speak, by friends who looked shocked and told me that was a horrible attitude, that I re-evaluated my position. I got counseling (it wasn’t great, but it helped a little) and mostly letting myself feel the hurt and anger without shoving it back down. I slowly broke down my walls and now can cry and feel hurts, and be a decent human being who can love others.. Who am I now, I would never say such a sh1tty thing like “don’t be so dramatic”. But had I said that before, I would have deserved that response. It provides a much needed wake up call or at least a life lesson on treating people well. Apologies for how you handled a personal attack on a forum isn’t necessary. That’s my humble opinion, my two cents. I’m sick of people feeling they must apologize for being brackish under inappropriate “attack”. You don’t owe anyone an apology! Obviously I’m not fully healed, this is my anger coming out, my dander is up. It’s a process… Also, just watched part two. I can only imagine the spectrum of emotions you have been dealing with. I support you. I support you. I support you. And I feel it, I feel it, I FEEL IT!! Every night I sleep easy because I know how many of you there are. Thank you for this message and for all you said. Together, we can do mighty things that once seemed impossible. Let's put all this passion and love and anger and frustration and funnel into loving loudly those who are starting to wake up. Those that are beginning to hear and question. Those who are seeing for the first time. Let us be a light, a haven, a place of safety and acceptance. Let us be a place that draws people in because they find love here, just as they are. This will not be fast and it will not be easy. Undoing a lifetime of manipulation is tough work. Letting go of all or most of what you learned and believed in is so difficult! So we must be gentle and patient with those trying to work through this. It is asking someone to change their entire world! But we are here to walk alongside and to be a support as they come into the light. Let's be gentle with them as we show them how we navigated through it all.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 13:52:28 GMT
Heidi, I am so grateful for this podcast. I’m so grateful for you. I’m also deeply sad that this is our spiritual heritage. I’m so very sorry for all you had to suffer and for all that your children had to suffer too. Im so thankful you did not end your beautiful life! That you began to agree with Gods words to you (beloved child!) rather than the words of THE accuser to you. I so badly wished for a prodigal fathers embrace for you when your dad came to see you. I’m deeply saddened that he didn’t at least take the opportunity to say I love you. And I’m angry that he was such a coward that he had to corner you at your workplace. It’s clear that his intention was shame and humiliation. 😔 I long for the PRC to begin disciplining the shunners - the unrepentantly proud who put the law above people. Nobody has ever been called to repentance by the harshness of God. Only through His deep kindness. Through love in action…this is where it all begins as you put it so well. I believe in the upside down kingdom of God where the first will be last and the last will be first. Heaven will be full of misfits and outcasts and many eyes will be opened on that day. Gods love is surprising, overwhelming and bigger than the box they put Him in!! It is daily work for me too to believe this with all of my baggage too. None of us are alone. Praise the Lord for the work He is doing through you and through all of us! 🙌 Thank you so much for this! I hope my sharing can be seen for what it is. There is hope and a beautiful life outside of that "church". It's up to me and many of us to show them that! Together, beautiful things can and will be accomplished. I believe that. Thank you for walking this part of my journey with me! I cannot wait to see what lies ahead. Already, many have been helped and they are begging us to keep talking. I have their messages and it fuels me on the hard days. For them, this all more than worth it! I am so honored to be here with all of you.
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Post by tryingtoleave on Jul 15, 2022 16:48:38 GMT
Thank you so much for this podcast. Thank you for giving all of us a voice. Everyone this reaches is an improvement from the past. I know my story isn't near as bad as yours, but still I understand you and my heart breaks for you. I'm glad you now have a good support system. I wish I had the same. Thank you for having the strength to do this. I cant image being that centered, so thank you.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,182
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Post by Hw on Jul 15, 2022 17:02:21 GMT
Thank you so much for this podcast. Thank you for giving all of us a voice. Everyone this reaches is an improvement from the past. I know my story isn't near as bad as yours, but still I understand you and my heart breaks for you. I'm glad you now have a good support system. I wish I had the same. Thank you for having the strength to do this. I cant image being that centered, so thank you. You have endless amou to of support that can be found in us! I promise you that. I have met so many in person and I swear to you, we are ready to catch you whenever you are able to make the jump. It is HARD. I won't lie. But there is joy to be found on the other side of fear. I promise you. You will know when it's time and we will be here. Ready to love you and fill you with acceptance and healing.
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