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Post by Sophia M. on Sept 20, 2022 14:58:34 GMT
When we listen to the New Testament story of the Samaritan who functions as a wonderful neighbor to a beat-up Jew in spite of cultural expectations that Samaritans are dangerous or less pure, we are often asked to imagine ourselves as doing what the Samaritan helper did, to be the one who takes risks to help a damaged or hurting person. Sermons on that story usually are about reminding us to help others, to be like the Good Samaritan.
When it comes to being a parent who finds yourself an exPR, or an exPR who finds yourself parenting, it is worthwhile to picture yourself as the damaged or hurting person who is lying on the side of the road. You've likely had some harm or betrayal that left you vulnerable, and you may have watched religious people pass by at a distance, unable or unwilling to come to your assistance. Who is going to be there for you and your family, since it takes more resources, beyond just those of your household, to help your children thrive and grow?
If you've been raised PR, you've probably been very well trained to fear and despise what a public school might do to your family culture. But if for one reason or another you can't trust, get into, or afford a private, parochial, or religious school, I'm here to say that public or secular schools are often able to be "the good Samaritan/the unexpectedly helpful neighbor" in your life.
My husband and I have been public school parents for 17 years. I have worked in them, volunteered with other parents, and met dozens of amazing teachers. It is such a huge resource for our family and our children, and we have had wonderful teachers, met wonderful neighbors, and our kids have made wonderful friends, and are thriving academically and extracurricularly, because of all the talented leaders and teachers who work in the school systems.
If you feel terrified about enrolling your children in public schools, it is ok to do it anyway, in spite of the fear about how your kids may turn out, or what others will think, or what could go wrong. I assure you that I still have those worries flare up, but I still, every year, am so grateful and thankful that our family has been able to give and receive resources as part of a neighborhood school community. It is so wonderful in surprising and unexpected ways, and worth a try. It will bring financial relief if you are in need of a more realistic cash flow for your household budget. It will give you other parents to know, who have a range of maturity levels, friendliness factors, faith commitments, and life skills, just like the parents of a religious school community.
We've been taught to think of public schools as "less than" or for parents who aren't as diligent or vigilant about their kids' upbringings. In my experience, those ideas are not grounded in reality. I still recognize this prejudice in my own attitude, and I still am proven wrong on a regular basis.
You've likely been taught that public schools were dangerous or corrupting influence or just crappy, just like Jesus's listeners were taught that Samaritans were those things. Jesus may have been seeing that person who still had to ask (as an adult!) "who is my neighbor?" as someone who has been socially harmed by religious purity or social barrier bans. What adults have trouble recognizing who their neighbors are? I think the general non-religious public is not lacking this answer, but hyper-religious people probably are.
We are likely to be adults who have been taught (by religious leaders) some very unreliable info about what kind of people are able to be trustworthy, or helpful to us. The same people you have been warned to physically and socially avoid are maybe going to be the people that give you some radical and very loving relief that you will die without, says Jesus. Trust this upside down idea from God's wisdom, and think about the possibility of letting a public school be your "good Samaritan" neighbor.
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Post by blessed2be on Sept 20, 2022 15:55:28 GMT
Wonderful post. Thank you! ❤️ I started sending my 4 to public school 2 years ago and it was difficult at first because of how I was raised. 2 years later I still hear from my Mom about her fears... Drugs, sex, etc etc... I always remind her that those things happen in private/Christian schools as well. My husband says, raise them right at home, that's where it starts. Talk to your kids.
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Post by questioneverything on Sept 20, 2022 18:35:36 GMT
Wonderful post. Thank you! ❤️ I started sending my 4 to public school 2 years ago and it was difficult at first because of how I was raised. 2 years later I still hear from my Mom about her fears... Drugs, sex, etc etc... I always remind her that those things happen in private/Christian schools as well. My husband says, raise them right at home, that's where it starts. Talk to your kids. It is a wonderful post. When you consider that approximately 90% of K-12 kids attend public school you know they're not doing everything wrong. Your husband is correct, it starts with the parents. Get involved! Meet their teachers, counselors, and administration. |
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Post by chorong on Sept 21, 2022 11:27:38 GMT
I love this post and I agree so much with it. I grew up in the public school my whole life and would not have it any other way. I will not deny that my parents sometimes had to help us unlearn some of the more unchristian like behaviours. It is difficult but certainly not impossible. The teaching/nurturing always starts at home and the schools should not be relied on to do these.
One thing I have observed from PR schools is that they TELL you what to think. This is in stark contrast to public schools where they teach you how to think, analyse and discern for yourself (ironically or not). In my experience in the public schools, I also got to interact with people from different faiths and share why I am a Christian which I feel is such a beautiful thing. With the insularity of PR schools, I always wonder to myself how they are supposed to obey God’s command of spreading the gospel and sharing Christ with others.
Just want to encourage parents who are starting out with children in public schools that it is definitely possible! I will not promise that it will be easy but you do not have to fear that your children will “fall away”. God will preserve you and your children!
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Post by kingspeppermints4lyf on Oct 12, 2022 18:33:46 GMT
When we listen to the New Testament story of the Samaritan who functions as a wonderful neighbor to a beat-up Jew in spite of cultural expectations that Samaritans are dangerous or less pure, we are often asked to imagine ourselves as doing what the Samaritan helper did, to be the one who takes risks to help a damaged or hurting person. Sermons on that story usually are about reminding us to help others, to be like the Good Samaritan. When it comes to being a parent who finds yourself an exPR, or an exPR who finds yourself parenting, it is worthwhile to picture yourself as the damaged or hurting person who is lying on the side of the road. You've likely had some harm or betrayal that left you vulnerable, and you may have watched religious people pass by at a distance, unable or unwilling to come to your assistance. Who is going to be there for you and your family, since it takes more resources, beyond just those of your household, to help your children thrive and grow? If you've been raised PR, you've probably been very well trained to fear and despise what a public school might do to your family culture. But if for one reason or another you can't trust, get into, or afford a private, parochial, or religious school, I'm here to say that public or secular schools are often able to be "the good Samaritan/the unexpectedly helpful neighbor" in your life. My husband and I have been public school parents for 17 years. I have worked in them, volunteered with other parents, and met dozens of amazing teachers. It is such a huge resource for our family and our children, and we have had wonderful teachers, met wonderful neighbors, and our kids have made wonderful friends, and are thriving academically and extracurricularly, because of all the talented leaders and teachers who work in the school systems. If you feel terrified about enrolling your children in public schools, it is ok to do it anyway, in spite of the fear about how your kids may turn out, or what others will think, or what could go wrong. I assure you that I still have those worries flare up, but I still, every year, am so grateful and thankful that our family has been able to give and receive resources as part of a neighborhood school community. It is so wonderful in surprising and unexpected ways, and worth a try. It will bring financial relief if you are in need of a more realistic cash flow for your household budget. It will give you other parents to know, who have a range of maturity levels, friendliness factors, faith commitments, and life skills, just like the parents of a religious school community. We've been taught to think of public schools as "less than" or for parents who aren't as diligent or vigilant about their kids' upbringings. In my experience, those ideas are not grounded in reality. I still recognize this prejudice in my own attitude, and I still am proven wrong on a regular basis. You've likely been taught that public schools were dangerous or corrupting influence or just crappy, just like Jesus's listeners were taught that Samaritans were those things. Jesus may have been seeing that person who still had to ask (as an adult!) "who is my neighbor?" as someone who has been socially harmed by religious purity or social barrier bans. What adults have trouble recognizing who their neighbors are? I think the general non-religious public is not lacking this answer, but hyper-religious people probably are. We are likely to be adults who have been taught (by religious leaders) some very unreliable info about what kind of people are able to be trustworthy, or helpful to us. The same people you have been warned to physically and socially avoid are maybe going to be the people that give you some radical and very loving relief that you will die without, says Jesus. Trust this upside down idea from God's wisdom, and think about the possibility of letting a public school be your "good Samaritan" neighbor. Did you weigh the pros and cons then? What did that list look like? How has that list evolved? Is there anywhere that you would still give an edge to Christian schools? |
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Post by Sophia M. on Oct 12, 2022 21:23:46 GMT
When we listen to the New Testament story of the Samaritan who functions as a wonderful neighbor to a beat-up Jew in spite of cultural expectations that Samaritans are dangerous or less pure, we are often asked to imagine ourselves as doing what the Samaritan helper did, to be the one who takes risks to help a damaged or hurting person. Sermons on that story usually are about reminding us to help others, to be like the Good Samaritan. When it comes to being a parent who finds yourself an exPR, or an exPR who finds yourself parenting, it is worthwhile to picture yourself as the damaged or hurting person who is lying on the side of the road. You've likely had some harm or betrayal that left you vulnerable, and you may have watched religious people pass by at a distance, unable or unwilling to come to your assistance. Who is going to be there for you and your family, since it takes more resources, beyond just those of your household, to help your children thrive and grow? If you've been raised PR, you've probably been very well trained to fear and despise what a public school might do to your family culture. But if for one reason or another you can't trust, get into, or afford a private, parochial, or religious school, I'm here to say that public or secular schools are often able to be "the good Samaritan/the unexpectedly helpful neighbor" in your life. My husband and I have been public school parents for 17 years. I have worked in them, volunteered with other parents, and met dozens of amazing teachers. It is such a huge resource for our family and our children, and we have had wonderful teachers, met wonderful neighbors, and our kids have made wonderful friends, and are thriving academically and extracurricularly, because of all the talented leaders and teachers who work in the school systems. If you feel terrified about enrolling your children in public schools, it is ok to do it anyway, in spite of the fear about how your kids may turn out, or what others will think, or what could go wrong. I assure you that I still have those worries flare up, but I still, every year, am so grateful and thankful that our family has been able to give and receive resources as part of a neighborhood school community. It is so wonderful in surprising and unexpected ways, and worth a try. It will bring financial relief if you are in need of a more realistic cash flow for your household budget. It will give you other parents to know, who have a range of maturity levels, friendliness factors, faith commitments, and life skills, just like the parents of a religious school community. We've been taught to think of public schools as "less than" or for parents who aren't as diligent or vigilant about their kids' upbringings. In my experience, those ideas are not grounded in reality. I still recognize this prejudice in my own attitude, and I still am proven wrong on a regular basis. You've likely been taught that public schools were dangerous or corrupting influence or just crappy, just like Jesus's listeners were taught that Samaritans were those things. Jesus may have been seeing that person who still had to ask (as an adult!) "who is my neighbor?" as someone who has been socially harmed by religious purity or social barrier bans. What adults have trouble recognizing who their neighbors are? I think the general non-religious public is not lacking this answer, but hyper-religious people probably are. We are likely to be adults who have been taught (by religious leaders) some very unreliable info about what kind of people are able to be trustworthy, or helpful to us. The same people you have been warned to physically and socially avoid are maybe going to be the people that give you some radical and very loving relief that you will die without, says Jesus. Trust this upside down idea from God's wisdom, and think about the possibility of letting a public school be your "good Samaritan" neighbor. Did you weigh the pros and cons then? What did that list look like? How has that list evolved? Is there anywhere that you would still give an edge to Christian schools? Your questions are about using a consumer oriented approach of the pro/con list, which can work for many families who have always understood they have a range of school choices, without an upbringing that reduced our educational options to one God-allowed choice--the church-affiliated school. We did not make a pro/con list at all. My post invites us to see ourselves (exPRs) not as consumers, but as survivors of serious harm, who aren't really able to recognize and appreciate our geographic neighbors as neighbors, bc we are raised to perceive them and avoid them as threats to our well-being or purity. Jesus's story invites the Luke10 Law Expert who is asking "but who is my neighbor?" to view himself as nearly roadkill in a similar way to the person wounded on the side of the road. If I see myself as someone who has been spiritually/intellectually/emotionally put through the wringer by living so long within narrowly exclusive religious outlook, and the public school system assists me and family to function in a more interconnected way with regular community people, I am not going to say, "how do those religious people keeping to themselves on the other side of the road have an edge on the secular people who are providing a welcoming place for this imbalanced family to rest up, heal, catch our breath, and take some recovery time?" There may have been some part of the guy being helped by the Samaritan helper that was surprised and dismayed by how much the Samaritan's kindness didn't fit what he just knew was true about Samaritans, according to his religious formation. And those unsavory realities may very well be there if they had gone on to become lifelong friends. But when you are really messed up, you are grateful for the help you receive, and have less desire or motivation to evaluate other attributes of the helper beyond the very loving and life-saving kindness they had the courage, generosity and good manners to provide. We PRs have been trained to be LawExperts, which doesn't look as bloody as a mugging victim on the street, but with some time of self-reflection we recognize the damage that has been done in less physically visible ways to our capacity to be in healthy, nonjudgmental, relaxed and joyful relationships with a variety of people. The teachers, students and other families we have connected with over the years have taught us so much about Neighborliness 101, and enriched us in so many ways. Hope that makes sense! I write this for people who had similar upbringings to me, who are slightly terrified to approach the admissions office of their local public school b/c of what they have been taught about the corrupting or defiling influence that public schools have on a family. |
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Post by kingspeppermints4lyf on Oct 13, 2022 12:44:53 GMT
Did you weigh the pros and cons then? What did that list look like? How has that list evolved? Is there anywhere that you would still give an edge to Christian schools? Your questions are about using a consumer oriented approach of the pro/con list, which can work for many families who have always understood they have a range of school choices, without an upbringing that reduced our educational options to one God-allowed choice--the church-affiliated school. We did not make a pro/con list at all. My post invites us to see ourselves (exPRs) not as consumers, but as survivors of serious harm, who aren't really able to recognize and appreciate our geographic neighbors as neighbors, bc we are raised to perceive them and avoid them as threats to our well-being or purity. Jesus's story invites the Luke10 Law Expert who is asking "but who is my neighbor?" to view himself as nearly roadkill in a similar way to the person wounded on the side of the road. If I see myself as someone who has been spiritually/intellectually/emotionally put through the wringer by living so long within narrowly exclusive religious outlook, and the public school system assists me and family to function in a more interconnected way with regular community people, I am not going to say, "how do those religious people keeping to themselves on the other side of the road have an edge on the secular people who are providing a welcoming place for this imbalanced family to rest up, heal, catch our breath, and take some recovery time?" There may have been some part of the guy being helped by the Samaritan helper that was surprised and dismayed by how much the Samaritan's kindness didn't fit what he just knew was true about Samaritans, according to his religious formation. And those unsavory realities may very well be there if they had gone on to become lifelong friends. But when you are really messed up, you are grateful for the help you receive, and have less desire or motivation to evaluate other attributes of the helper beyond the very loving and life-saving kindness they had the courage, generosity and good manners to provide. We PRs have been trained to be LawExperts, which doesn't look as bloody as a mugging victim on the street, but with some time of self-reflection we recognize the damage that has been done in less physically visible ways to our capacity to be in healthy, nonjudgmental, relaxed and joyful relationships with a variety of people. The teachers, students and other families we have connected with over the years have taught us so much about Neighborliness 101, and enriched us in so many ways. Hope that makes sense! I write this for people who had similar upbringings to me, who are slightly terrified to approach the admissions office of their local public school b/c of what they have been taught about the corrupting or defiling influence that public schools have on a family. That's an excellent answer. I appreciate how you approached it. It is disheartening when we meet neighbors and their first conversation starter is to bring up the common ground of what school our children attend, and then that conversation immediately dies when we tell them we send them somewhere else. |
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Post by questioneverything on Oct 13, 2022 22:23:20 GMT
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Post by healing on Oct 14, 2022 13:52:20 GMT
I find it interesting that when it comes to college attendance, that it is ok or maybe even better to attend a public school than a CRC school.
Sometimes the logic of the rhetoric is completely mind boggling.
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Post by NotSureWhatToPutHere on Oct 19, 2022 1:15:58 GMT
We sent our oldest to the PR school for K-1st grade. He was told in his 1st grade class that the kids at the school down the street were "bad" because they didn't go to a christian school. we were in the process of leaving the PRC and pulled our sons from christian school and sent them to the charter schools that are available here in MI. We prayed and prayed about the decision. It was financial, but also we didn't want our kids living in a bubble, we wanted them to have friends that were different colored than they were, that had different cultures, etc. Surprisingly enough (to us very naive ex-pr's), many of their teachers were christians and my kids ended up much more well-rounded and good humans. I'm so thankful that we left that toxic church and didn't educate our kids in those toxic school!
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Post by butterfly2020 on Dec 3, 2022 21:56:59 GMT
We sent our oldest to the PR school for K-1st grade. He was told in his 1st grade class that the kids at the school down the street were "bad" because they didn't go to a christian school. we were in the process of leaving the PRC and pulled our sons from christian school and sent them to the charter schools that are available here in MI. We prayed and prayed about the decision. It was financial, but also we didn't want our kids living in a bubble, we wanted them to have friends that were different colored than they were, that had different cultures, etc. Surprisingly enough (to us very naive ex-pr's), many of their teachers were christians and my kids ended up much more well-rounded and good humans. I'm so thankful that we left that toxic church and didn't educate our kids in those toxic school! I am so thankful I didn’t have a complete PR education it forced me to see life outside of the PR bubble and also have to be able to respectfully share what I believed to other people. |
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Post by NotSureWhatToPutHere on Dec 4, 2022 0:14:18 GMT
We sent our oldest to the PR school for K-1st grade. He was told in his 1st grade class that the kids at the school down the street were "bad" because they didn't go to a christian school. we were in the process of leaving the PRC and pulled our sons from christian school and sent them to the charter schools that are available here in MI. We prayed and prayed about the decision. It was financial, but also we didn't want our kids living in a bubble, we wanted them to have friends that were different colored than they were, that had different cultures, etc. Surprisingly enough (to us very naive ex-pr's), many of their teachers were christians and my kids ended up much more well-rounded and good humans. I'm so thankful that we left that toxic church and didn't educate our kids in those toxic school! I am so thankful I didn’t have a complete PR education it forced me to see life outside of the PR bubble and also have to be able to respectfully share what I believed to other people. Thats what happened to my kids as well. My oldest went to Ferris State and was involved in a ministry there... they had a few different beliefs than what we did and he studied scripture, talked to some people he respected and figured out what he actually believed. He then came to us and wanted to be baptized. It was very special to see him being baptized by his dad. And to know that his faith was HIS faith, not mine, not my husbands... |
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Post by countedmeaslost on Mar 27, 2023 18:26:06 GMT
I find it interesting that when it comes to college attendance, that it is ok or maybe even better to attend a public school than a CRC school. Sometimes the logic of the rhetoric is completely mind boggling. My daughter was approached by the principal at her high school after finding out she was going to a public college. He pretty much told her a child of God shouldn't be going there. She didn't know what to say but she went & she's graduating this year. That's the same high school that had bullying going on with my other daughter. When I asked them to address the issue they said - we'll have a chapel in a few months about it but we don't want anyone to think we're pointing fingers right now so we're going to wait. This is ALSO the church that dared to visit me ask when I'd put my child's spiritual life ahead of her education...she has special needs & attends the public school. Should've left at that very moment. Makes me angry thinking about all of that to this day. I am SO thankful to be out of that church! |
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Post by triplesense on Mar 27, 2023 23:13:51 GMT
Excellent post Sophia! And I so agree with all the other comments too. My daughter is now 26, married, met her husband at Res Life, they both love the Lord and do a lot of Jesus outreach on their own, not sponsored by any church. They do not discuss doctrine, promote a church or denomination or anything like that. They entertain, feed, read the Bible and pray, but mostly they share their blessings with groups/kids that have less. They do not promote any books or creeds.  My daughter went to Jenison Public Schools, then to Grace Christian University (formerly Grace Bible College). "Christianity begins at home" for sure ... Many of the teachers at Jenison were Christians, even though they were not allowed to teach about it. My daughter was treated wonderfully, made a ton of friends, learned a lot, was in Cheer and Gymnastics and very active socially too. She liked the fact that she was known as a 'goody two shoes' who did not drink or do drugs. People who did (or didn't) respected her and often asked her for private advice. She was able to live her faith very comfortably in a public school, even with many friends who were not exposed to any type of Christianity. She learned about God at home and in church, and lived it at school. What Sophia and others said on this post ... do not be afraid of public schools. I would FAR prefer to send my daughter to a public school rather than a 'religious' (but NOT true Christian!) school like Hope & Covenant (where I went), where the kids are literally brain washed. Teach them Jesus at home and church, and do not expect that to be taught at school. |
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Post by cannalily on Mar 28, 2023 11:53:38 GMT
Wonderful post. Thank you! ❤️ I started sending my 4 to public school 2 years ago and it was difficult at first because of how I was raised. 2 years later I still hear from my Mom about her fears... Drugs, sex, etc etc... I always remind her that those things happen in private/Christian schools as well. My husband says, raise them right at home, that's where it starts. Talk to your kids. Maybe show your mom the real story of the wonderful "educators" of the PRCA. The cool thing about public schools is that they have serious mechanisms to deal with abuse. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but there are ramifications when bad things happen. The same goes for those kids with special needs, and those who learn differently. The mechanisms kick in immediately. |
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