turtledoves Thank you for your honesty! Being honest with pain is good. I hope that you are able to find a safe space to talk about it. I hope that you are able to move through the pain. I find when I write it out it helps me:
Coldness of my soul has crept in. People’s attitudes, beliefs and actions make my body freeze. Too much of the past couple of weeks are weighing heavily on me and I know it. Time and space are given and I brace myself for the thoughts and feelings to be given way. I know full well my humanity and sins will rip at my being. Where will the coldness take me? First to come, the underlying knowledge that I feel alone. Then the sadness of loss. Lastly the anger. I have come to appreciate anger, because without it I would not open my mouth about pain. Things that make my heart glad are now under intense pressure. No amount of head knowledge or words seems to warm the awful cold. I seclude myself.
Lord, you are with me. You will fight this for me. Please hold me and carry me through this storm.
Anger that people aren’t given common decency by people who represent protection.
Anger that when someone wants to control a person they get it by claiming love.
Anger that manipulation makes me feel stupid because they look innocent.
Anger that the twisting of facts is effortless while standing for truth requires courage.
Anger that I was powerless for so long.
Anger that others make excuses for abusers.
Anger that abusers are protected more than the innocent.
Anger that the innocent feel they have to prove their innocence.
Anger that it has taken me so long to see that I have valid reasons to be angry.
Anger for the denial of truth about abuse.
Anger for lack of response from people.
Anger for the many distractions that allow abuse to flourish.
Anger that those who think they are morally superior silence victims.