Identifying Spiritual Abuse

Where is this?

This is a remarkable article.  Below, I took the liberty of copying a portion of that article.  It is really amazing that most of the 10 abuse points are an exact parallel to the PRC.  The PRC teaches the marks of the true church.  How about some marks of an abusive church?  Here is is:

Spiritually abusive ministries…


1. Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living.


2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus.


3. Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive.


4. Create a culture of fear and shame. Often there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Leaders can’t admit failure, but often search out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold them in fear and captivity. They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.


5. Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well, but slips into arrogance, protectionism and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. These ministries and churches harbor a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together.


6. Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it.


7. Demand blind servitude of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives. They live aloof from their followers and justify their material extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges. They typically chase after wealth–at any cost, and often at the expense of the very people they shepherd.


8. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. These leaders and churches view those who bring up legitimate issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission.


9. Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle, but they often demonstrate licentiousness, greed, and uncontrolled addictions behind closed doors.


10. Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like lucky insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they often long to be in that inner circle. If someone on the inner circle speaks up about abuses, lapses in character, illegal acts, or strong-arming, that insider immediately moves to an outsider. Fear of losing their special status often impedes insiders from speaking up.

Highly recommend Wade Mullen's dissertation on "Impression Management Strategies Used by Evangelical Organizations in the Wake of an Image-Threatening Event" which is available at t.co/HhGVn2RWSD (2.4M file, too large to attach here )

This work has been helpful in discerning what tactics a family, church, or organization may choose to employ in prioritization of managing their reputation over the biblical response to sins such as sexual or physical abuse. Is it "light-side" or "dark-side" leadership?

Wade can also be followed on Twitter @wad3mullen

I also KNOW the PRCA is not immune to the abuse, nor the perpetuation of abusive tactics against survivors brave enough to name abuse. The Bible is replete with stories of man's vain attempts at image management, such as employed by King David after his rape of Bathsheba. God is not mocked then, or now. Whatever a man soweth, that shall he reap. Generational sins are very real.

This is a recent Twitter thread from Julie Anne @defendthesheep


THREAD to church leaders: I really wish I could refer domestic violence victims to their pastors for help; however, when a woman contacts me, I tell her "do NOT tell your pastor!" Why?? Because so many church leaders mishandle the situation and cause further harm.
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Many pastors want to counsel the couple. This is completely wrong. Abuse is not a marital issue, but an ABUSE issue. The perpetrator needs counseling! Subjecting a victim to couples counseling will usually backfire and cause more harm. #domesticviolence
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Another issue is the divorce issue. MANY pastors claim that the Bible says a woman cannot divorce her abusive husband (emotional/physical/spiritual/financial/sexual). This is wrong. If you say this to an abused woman, you are now spiritually abusing her. You are not safe.
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If you want to be a pastor who protects and defends the sheep (see what I did there?), you need to discuss this topic from the pulpit. Let it be known from the pulpit that your church is going to walk alongside the abused and help ($$, housing, professional counseling).
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But before you do all this, you need to make sure you're educated on this topic. Know and understand the risks women face when they leave (leaving is the most dangerous time). Seek help from experts. Statistics say there ARE victims in your church,so how are you going to respond?

I wish I could leave.  Another wasted day in my life today, and still another church service to attend.