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Post by maggie on Nov 18, 2019 22:19:01 GMT
Maybe I'm doing this wrong by posting to Admin. Someone pointed out to me that they can tell I've posted but it doesn't show. Could they be deleted by chance. I posted several today. Thanks!
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Post by Sophia M. on Dec 5, 2019 13:49:58 GMT
A refusal to believe a victim and to respond with justice and care asks the victim to bear new secrets, making the oppression even weightier as they carry:1. The truth about the abuse.2. The truth about the abuser.3. The truth about the telling.4. The truth about the told.This is so, so true and is abuse in and of itself. I KNOW the prca is not immune to the above. I suspect no denomination is. The part about asking the victim/target to bear new secrets about domestic sexual or physical abuse is very real. When you tell people about 1 and 2, it is common that the experience of telling (3) teaches you the devastating truth about the told (4). When the people you told have more empathy for and motivation to protect the abuser, you go out of that telling to carry more trauma and rejection, because the truth about the told is this: They care about the abuser's reputation or the reputation of the abuser's institution more than they care about your healing, your belonging, your value, and and maybe even your future life. They are supposed to prioritize care for you, but they are unable or unwilling to do this. When the told who do this to you are your spiritual leaders (elders, pastors, church mentors) you have now also become a survivor of spiritual abuse. Those spiritual leaders have very likely acted this form of abuse and silencing to many others besides you.
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Post by Feminist on Feb 27, 2020 17:19:35 GMT
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Post by victory on Sept 30, 2020 0:59:37 GMT
A refusal to believe a victim and to respond with justice and care asks the victim to bear new secrets, making the oppression even weightier as they carry:1. The truth about the abuse.2. The truth about the abuser.3. The truth about the telling.4. The truth about the told.This is so, so true and is abuse in and of itself. I KNOW the prca is not immune to the above. I suspect no denomination is. The part about asking the victim/target to bear new secrets about domestic sexual or physical abuse is very real. When you tell people about 1 and 2, it is common that the experience of telling (3) teaches you the devastating truth about the told (4). When the people you told have more empathy for and motivation to protect the abuser, you go out of that telling to carry more trauma and rejection, because the truth about the told is this: They care about the abuser's reputation or the reputation of the abuser's institution more than they care about your healing, your belonging, your value, and and maybe even your future life. They are supposed to prioritize care for you, but they are unable or unwilling to do this. When the told who do this to you are your spiritual leaders (elders, pastors, church mentors) you have now also become a survivor of spiritual abuse. Those spiritual leaders have very likely acted this form of abuse and silencing to many others besides you.
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Post by victory on Sept 30, 2020 1:21:02 GMT
Quote from annelm: "When the people you told have more empathy for and motivation to protect the abuser, you go out of that telling to carry more trauma and rejection, because the truth about the told is this: They care about the abuser's reputation or the reputation of the abuser's institution more than they care about your healing, your belonging, your value, and and maybe even your future life. They are supposed to prioritize care for you, but they are unable or unwilling to do this."
This the TRUTH! And it's important to note... the ABUSER... doesn't need to be just one person. It is possible, as it was in my situation, for abuse to come from groups of men or women in "the church." I ask myself: "How is it that these people did NOT care about MY healing, belonging (even the mere FEELING of belonging?)
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Post by cannalily on Oct 1, 2020 14:15:03 GMT
Quote from annelm: "When the people you told have more empathy for and motivation to protect the abuser, you go out of that telling to carry more trauma and rejection, because the truth about the told is this: They care about the abuser's reputation or the reputation of the abuser's institution more than they care about your healing, your belonging, your value, and and maybe even your future life. They are supposed to prioritize care for you, but they are unable or unwilling to do this." This the TRUTH! And it's important to note... the ABUSER... doesn't need to be just one person. It is possible, as it was in my situation, for abuse to come from groups of men or women in "the church." I ask myself: "How is it that these people did NOT care about MY healing, belonging (even the mere FEELING of belonging?) The interesting thing, at least for me, is that I realized that they NEVER cared for me. They only cared about pushing the agenda of the cult. If they cared, they would have left a long time ago. So they only care about about you through the eyes of a PRC cult member, and not YOU, personally. It's a pretty big distinction.
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Post by stillvanrecovering on Oct 3, 2020 11:05:58 GMT
The PRC excels at manipulation and control, and these abuses are often well-disguised as care.
Some pastors and elders act as if we are not living during a time when there's a serious virus, with the aged and those with co-morbidities at serious risk. I was shocked (not really) that a pastor and elder recently conducted house visitation at my aged parents house.
Family visitation in the PRC is very important, apparently non-negotiable with the elderly even during a pandemic. Even if they asked if it was ok to come, their position of spiritual authority would make it difficult for anyone to say no.
The visit was not social distant, was conducted indoors, without masks, and concluded with a hand-shake.
So I ask - Will you pastor and elder be the ones physically caring should they become sick? (You won't, that will fall on my family because of your arrogance veiled by your take on the theology of God's providence).
Stop doing this. Consider that what you may consider an act of love may not really be loving. There may not be unanimity among your flock about safety precautions to take during this pandemic, be cautious and gracious with those who may think differently. Use your voice to affirm it's ok to take precautions, and ok to say no to the the care you offer.
Wearing a mask during your visits does not you a coward make - especially when visiting parishioners who have lived over four score years.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2020 3:56:44 GMT
There is a lot of talk of ministers and elders saying things like we might put you under discipline. Either put me under discipline or don’t. Either I needed to be under discipline or I didn’t . Don’t threaten me to get me to do your bidding. Especially when your bidding wasn’t proper or right
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Post by tryingtoleave on Mar 3, 2021 15:55:33 GMT
Linked below is a couple articles on Religious Trauma Syndrome as well as a couple sections of the articles that I found apply and are relatable. journeyfree.org/rts/"Religious Trauma Syndrome is the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. They may be going through the shattering of a personally meaningful faith and/or breaking away from a controlling community and lifestyle. RTS is a function of both the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one’s connection with one’s faith. It can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This is a summary followed by a series of three articles which were published in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Today. Religious Trauma Syndrome has a very recognizable set of symptoms, a definitive set of causes, and a debilitating cycle of abuse. There are ways to stop the abuse and recover. Symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome: • Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism, difficulty with decision-making • Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning • Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, sexual difficulty, behind schedule on developmental tasks • Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music) Causes of Religious Trauma Syndrome: Authoritarianism coupled with toxic theology which is received and reinforced at church, school, and home results in: • Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested • Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities -information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned • External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source • Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline" journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/"Religious Trauma Syndrome is the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. They may be going through the shattering of a personally meaningful faith and/or breaking away from a controlling community and lifestyle. The symptoms compare most easily with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which results from experiencing or being confronted with death or serious injury which causes feelings of terror, helplessness, or horror. This can be a single event or chronic abuse of some kind. With RTS, there is chronic abuse, especially of children, plus the major trauma of leaving the fold. Like PTSD, the impact of RTS is long-lasting, with intrusive thoughts, negative emotional states, impaired social functioning, and other problems. With RTS, the trauma is two-fold. First, the actual teachings and practices of a restrictive religion can be toxic and create life-long mental damage. In many cases, the emotional and mental abuse is compounded by physical and sexual abuse due to the patriarchal, repressive nature of the environment. Second, departing a religious fold adds enormous stress as an individual struggles with leaving what amounts to one world for another. This usually involves significant and sudden loss of social support while facing the task of reconstructing one’s life. People leaving are often ill-prepared to deal with this, both because they have been sheltered and taught to fear the secular world and because their personal skills for self-reliance and independent thinking are underdeveloped. Individuals can experience RTS in different ways depending on a variety of factors. Some key symptoms of RTS are: • Confusion, difficulty making decisions, trouble thinking for self, lack of meaning or direction, undeveloped sense of self • Anxiety being in “The World,” panic attacks, fear of damnation, depression, thoughts of suicide, anger, bitterness, betrayal, guilt, grief and loss, difficulty with expressing emotion • Sleep and eating disorders, substance abuse, nightmares, perfectionism, discomfort with sexuality, negative body image, impulse control problems, difficulty enjoying pleasure or being present here and now • Rupture of family and social network, loneliness, problems relating to society, personal relationship issues" journeyfree.org/rts/understandingrts/journeyfree.org/rts/the-trauma-of-leaving-religion-pt-3/"Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS) is a function of both the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one’s connection with one’s faith and faith community. It can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)."
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Post by Sophia M. on Mar 3, 2021 21:24:04 GMT
Thanks for posting these links and segments. This information is accurate!
Fellow survivors . . . be kind to yourselves when these symptoms feel overwhelming. We don't imagine the symptoms. We are not bringing the symptoms upon ourselves. The symptoms are a signal we are hoping for what we can't easily see: the reality that our bodies are designed to reject, overcome, survive the intoxicating grip of authoritarian groups. And thrive, in a spacious place, with ample space for us to live and feel and move and have our full agency, existence, and identity.
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Post by questioneverything on Mar 3, 2021 23:51:20 GMT
Linked below is a couple articles on Religious Trauma Syndrome as well as a couple sections of the articles that I found apply and are relatable. journeyfree.org/rts/"Religious Trauma Syndrome is the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. They may be going through the shattering of a personally meaningful faith and/or breaking away from a controlling community and lifestyle. RTS is a function of both the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one’s connection with one’s faith. It can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD). This is a summary followed by a series of three articles which were published in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Today. Religious Trauma Syndrome has a very recognizable set of symptoms, a definitive set of causes, and a debilitating cycle of abuse. There are ways to stop the abuse and recover. Symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome: • Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism, difficulty with decision-making • Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning • Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, sexual difficulty, behind schedule on developmental tasks • Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music) Causes of Religious Trauma Syndrome: Authoritarianism coupled with toxic theology which is received and reinforced at church, school, and home results in: • Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested • Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities -information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned • External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source • Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline" journeyfree.org/rts/rts-its-time-to-recognize-it/"Religious Trauma Syndrome is the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination. They may be going through the shattering of a personally meaningful faith and/or breaking away from a controlling community and lifestyle. The symptoms compare most easily with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which results from experiencing or being confronted with death or serious injury which causes feelings of terror, helplessness, or horror. This can be a single event or chronic abuse of some kind. With RTS, there is chronic abuse, especially of children, plus the major trauma of leaving the fold. Like PTSD, the impact of RTS is long-lasting, with intrusive thoughts, negative emotional states, impaired social functioning, and other problems. With RTS, the trauma is two-fold. First, the actual teachings and practices of a restrictive religion can be toxic and create life-long mental damage. In many cases, the emotional and mental abuse is compounded by physical and sexual abuse due to the patriarchal, repressive nature of the environment. Second, departing a religious fold adds enormous stress as an individual struggles with leaving what amounts to one world for another. This usually involves significant and sudden loss of social support while facing the task of reconstructing one’s life. People leaving are often ill-prepared to deal with this, both because they have been sheltered and taught to fear the secular world and because their personal skills for self-reliance and independent thinking are underdeveloped. Individuals can experience RTS in different ways depending on a variety of factors. Some key symptoms of RTS are: • Confusion, difficulty making decisions, trouble thinking for self, lack of meaning or direction, undeveloped sense of self • Anxiety being in “The World,” panic attacks, fear of damnation, depression, thoughts of suicide, anger, bitterness, betrayal, guilt, grief and loss, difficulty with expressing emotion • Sleep and eating disorders, substance abuse, nightmares, perfectionism, discomfort with sexuality, negative body image, impulse control problems, difficulty enjoying pleasure or being present here and now • Rupture of family and social network, loneliness, problems relating to society, personal relationship issues" journeyfree.org/rts/understandingrts/journeyfree.org/rts/the-trauma-of-leaving-religion-pt-3/"Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS) is a function of both the chronic abuses of harmful religion and the impact of severing one’s connection with one’s faith and faith community. It can be compared to a combination of PTSD and Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)." I "know" this post. It is true, and the prca is the cause.
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Post by carmensandiego on Mar 5, 2021 11:27:54 GMT
Wow. Thank you for sharing this important information, tryingtoleave. This is very real and serious. Thankfully, I did not grow up entirely in the PRC (I experienced pre-PRC years in the CRC), otherwise I know the harm would have been far worse. I can relate to all of the bullet points to some degree, but mostly to the Cognitive symptoms (it’s easy to feel directionless when you no longer want to rely on the easy, black-and-white thinking that’s been drilled into you) and the Cultural. I have significant gaps in my cultural knowledge that bother me. And I sometimes feel I don’t really know how to “belong” or easily socially interact with others aside from those who had similar “bubble-ish” upbringings. It’s gotten better with time, but these are very real.
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Post by Feminist on Mar 7, 2021 2:32:06 GMT
The PRC excels at manipulation and control, and these abuses are often well-disguised as care. Some pastors and elders act as if we are not living during a time when there's a serious virus, with the aged and those with co-morbidities at serious risk. I was shocked (not really) that a pastor and elder recently conducted house visitation at my aged parents house. Family visitation in the PRC is very important, apparently non-negotiable with the elderly even during a pandemic. Even if they asked if it was ok to come, their position of spiritual authority would make it difficult for anyone to say no. The visit was not social distant, was conducted indoors, without masks, and concluded with a hand-shake. So I ask - Will you pastor and elder be the ones physically caring should they become sick? (You won't, that will fall on my family because of your arrogance veiled by your take on the theology of God's providence). Stop doing this. Consider that what you may consider an act of love may not really be loving. There may not be unanimity among your flock about safety precautions to take during this pandemic, be cautious and gracious with those who may think differently. Use your voice to affirm it's ok to take precautions, and ok to say no to the the care you offer. Wearing a mask during your visits does not you a coward make - especially when visiting parishioners who have lived over four score years. Makes me so angry. It’s like they don’t believe in it. But, “we’re not political, it’s those darn liberals lying through mainstream media again”. They don’t really care about people’s health, and with their doctrine, why should they? They are only concerned with the soul, not the life on this earth.
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Post by gratefullyfree on Mar 9, 2021 12:41:28 GMT
I have a friend whose parents attend a church similar to the PRC who also refuse to wear masks. They told their children that they weren't worried about catching COVID because they knew where they would go if and when they die and it would be much better. She asked her mother about possibly spreading the virus to others through their actions and that those families would have to care for them or lose family members. Her mother shrugged and said, "Well, that's on them." Selfish.
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Post by questioneverything on Mar 10, 2021 0:41:14 GMT
I have a friend whose parents attend a church similar to the PRC who also refuse to wear masks. They told their children that they weren't worried about catching COVID because they knew where they would go if and when they die and it would be much better. She asked her mother about possibly spreading the virus to others through their actions and that those families would have to care for them or lose family members. Her mother shrugged and said, "Well, that's on them." Selfish. Selfish, and ignorant.
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