12335
Pew Sleeper
Posts: 21
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Post by 12335 on Jul 17, 2021 2:53:59 GMT
Maybe if they like to read, you could mention some “really interesting books” in a conversation. Educated & Unfollow are two that pop into mind right now. Unfollow might even seem to really hit home to a questioning PR. Educated is one of my favorite books. Such a powerful read.
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Post by qazwsx on Jul 20, 2021 1:18:32 GMT
I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. It’s such terrible collateral to have to deal with. With this cult, just because you’re out, doesn’t mean you stop dealing with the effects. I can only offer advice from my own experience. I was obviously very brainwashed and unreasonable, like most PRs were/are, but the most drastic turning point for me was seeing the authentic lives of my expr friends. They were still loving. They were still there for me. They were dramatically less judgmental. They didn’t make me feel bad about my beliefs. They became a comfortable atmosphere to vent about and work through my misgivings. Over time (years), I began having conversations with them that slowly ate away at those blinders. Soon I was seeing glimpses of the world that had previously felt like fiction and deception to me. Without them, I’d still be terrified and miserable, wondering if I’d ever get out and also feeling like I never should be. Healthy, supportive communication does wonders for a wounded heart. I would say that all you can do is to be the opposite of the church. Don’t be controlling, don’t give ultimatums, and don’t give them any reason to feel afraid with you. It takes time, but if it happens within their time frame of comfort, the results will start to become aware in extremely drastic ways. They may not even be aware that it’s happening, as I wasn’t. A safe place, or a safe person, away from the fear, guilt and control, is more than most of us could have ever even known was possible. I hope that this helps!
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Post by qazwsx on Jul 20, 2021 1:20:50 GMT
Maybe if they like to read, you could mention some “really interesting books” in a conversation. Educated & Unfollow are two that pop into mind right now. Unfollow might even seem to really hit home to a questioning PR. Educated is one of my favorite books. Such a powerful read. Educated is such an incredible book! But knowing myself, if I had read that book while I was still PR, it would have had no effect on me whatsoever. I would’ve either laughed at the crazy Mormons, or played it off as a sensationalist story. I mean how many PRs do you think come and troll this site just to laugh at our “overly dramatic stories?”
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Whisper
Seminary Student
Posts: 452
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Post by Whisper on Aug 1, 2021 15:51:58 GMT
I am sure I am not alone here in that I have younger siblings who are still stuck in this indefensible sh*tshow of an organization. With the recent thread about RVO and how he likely groomed young women at CCHS, and the staff was likely well aware of what was going on, I am no longer simply jaded about this sect (though I have been free for a few years now), I am angry beyond words. This whole forum used to be a form of entertainment for me; a way to pass the time and remind myself of how lucky I am to have seen through the very thick layers of BS and that had the courage (yes, courage) to leave. I have two sisters who still attend CCHS. They are told by all, including our parents, to see their teachers there as examples of how to live a godly life and that they can trust the faculty there, as if they are the voice of God or something. With at least six accusations that I'm aware of so far, I think the probability of the accusations being false is very low, and the probability that there were several rats who enabled RVO, very high. The recently written thread about Loveland brings a memory back. I remember my father, who served as an elder and recently left office, made some disparaging comment about the amount of abuse taking place in Loveland. 'People out there in Colorado are weird', or something along those lines. He had apparently told the rest of my family about it as well, since the rest of them verbally agreed with him. When I mentioned once that I was thinking about moving in with a friend in the Denver area, they all said I was crazy to want to move there. Personally, I don't believe there's something in the air in CO that makes husbands abuse their wives, so I didn't take these comments from my family so seriously. What I found disturbing, however, was how my parents had failed to tell my sisters about the way the Loveland consistory has criminally bungled abuse cases there, with the perpetrators being allowed to maintain their reputation as godly men in the "true church of God" and walk freely in society. And I know for a fact that the Loveland consistory is only one of many who have f*cked things up in a similar manner. I have a sister who is a bit older than the ones in high school who knows what's up, and I suspect she is considering leaving soon like I did, so that helps. I believe my parents do have my sisters' best interest at heart, but they seem to be going way too far in apologizing for and defending the PRC. I think they know deep down that the PRC is no safe place for anyone, let alone young, vulnerable women, but their whole way of life and worldview would collapse if they actively recognize the PRC for what it really is and confess this to my siblings. My sisters are salt-of-the-Earth people, and they deeply respect my parents, despite all my parents' faults. They usually agree with what they think, without much critical thought. This needs to change, and I believe I have a heavy responsibility in helping them acquire this skill of critical thinking. Their lives, physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing very much depend on it. Frankly, I don't think my father has the balls to have a real talk with them about what this organization is really about. I mention him specifically, because he is much more privy to denominational info than my mother is (any surprise there?), and he is also a better critical thinker than she is. I know she will never be the one to have such a talk with them. As the title suggests, I would very much appreciate any words of advice on how to deal with this situation, both in helping my sisters and in not letting this drag me down so much. I know some of you have gone through similar things. I mention again; this forum is no longer a source of entertainment for me. Reading all the stories of people on here who have suffered so much at the hands of the PRC and having the people I love the most still stuck in the machinery causes me to lose sleep out of anger and worry. I am so thankful this forum exists! Please call the 700 club and ask them to pray for your sisters. God uses the prayers of other saints (they are saints even if they don't think just like you) to change their hearts. It worked with one of my children. Over a period of about a year her attitude towards me and relationship to me not being PR slowly changed 180 degrees.
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Post by questioneverything on Aug 1, 2021 16:16:00 GMT
I am sure I am not alone here in that I have younger siblings who are still stuck in this indefensible sh*tshow of an organization. With the recent thread about RVO and how he likely groomed young women at CCHS, and the staff was likely well aware of what was going on, I am no longer simply jaded about this sect (though I have been free for a few years now), I am angry beyond words. This whole forum used to be a form of entertainment for me; a way to pass the time and remind myself of how lucky I am to have seen through the very thick layers of BS and that had the courage (yes, courage) to leave. I have two sisters who still attend CCHS. They are told by all, including our parents, to see their teachers there as examples of how to live a godly life and that they can trust the faculty there, as if they are the voice of God or something. With at least six accusations that I'm aware of so far, I think the probability of the accusations being false is very low, and the probability that there were several rats who enabled RVO, very high. The recently written thread about Loveland brings a memory back. I remember my father, who served as an elder and recently left office, made some disparaging comment about the amount of abuse taking place in Loveland. 'People out there in Colorado are weird', or something along those lines. He had apparently told the rest of my family about it as well, since the rest of them verbally agreed with him. When I mentioned once that I was thinking about moving in with a friend in the Denver area, they all said I was crazy to want to move there. Personally, I don't believe there's something in the air in CO that makes husbands abuse their wives, so I didn't take these comments from my family so seriously. What I found disturbing, however, was how my parents had failed to tell my sisters about the way the Loveland consistory has criminally bungled abuse cases there, with the perpetrators being allowed to maintain their reputation as godly men in the "true church of God" and walk freely in society. And I know for a fact that the Loveland consistory is only one of many who have f*cked things up in a similar manner. I have a sister who is a bit older than the ones in high school who knows what's up, and I suspect she is considering leaving soon like I did, so that helps. I believe my parents do have my sisters' best interest at heart, but they seem to be going way too far in apologizing for and defending the PRC. I think they know deep down that the PRC is no safe place for anyone, let alone young, vulnerable women, but their whole way of life and worldview would collapse if they actively recognize the PRC for what it really is and confess this to my siblings. My sisters are salt-of-the-Earth people, and they deeply respect my parents, despite all my parents' faults. They usually agree with what they think, without much critical thought. This needs to change, and I believe I have a heavy responsibility in helping them acquire this skill of critical thinking. Their lives, physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing very much depend on it. Frankly, I don't think my father has the balls to have a real talk with them about what this organization is really about. I mention him specifically, because he is much more privy to denominational info than my mother is (any surprise there?), and he is also a better critical thinker than she is. I know she will never be the one to have such a talk with them. As the title suggests, I would very much appreciate any words of advice on how to deal with this situation, both in helping my sisters and in not letting this drag me down so much. I know some of you have gone through similar things. I mention again; this forum is no longer a source of entertainment for me. Reading all the stories of people on here who have suffered so much at the hands of the PRC and having the people I love the most still stuck in the machinery causes me to lose sleep out of anger and worry. I am so thankful this forum exists! Please call the 700 club and ask them to pray for your sisters. God uses the prayers of other saints (they are saints even if they don't think just like you) to change their hearts. It worked with one of my children. Over a period of about a year her attitude towards me and relationship to me not being PR slowly changed 180 degrees. The 700 club. Isn't that the show hosted by that charlatan Pat Robertson?
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Post by prnolonger on Aug 1, 2021 16:23:35 GMT
Please call the 700 club and ask them to pray for your sisters. God uses the prayers of other saints (they are saints even if they don't think just like you) to change their hearts. It worked with one of my children. Over a period of about a year her attitude towards me and relationship to me not being PR slowly changed 180 degrees. The 700 club. Isn't that the show hosted by that charlatan Pat Robertson? Indeed
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Post by Sophia M. on Sept 9, 2021 15:55:14 GMT
The 700 club. Isn't that the show hosted by that charlatan Pat Robertson? Speaking of the 700 club . . this forum almost such a group . . 696 members it looks like
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Post by psalterscribbles on Jun 4, 2022 19:37:07 GMT
I don't know if others have this experience, but part of my fear of leaving is the fact that I'll be used as a scape-goat for doubt/questioning children and family members, e.g., "Don't say that or you'll end up like ____." or, " ____ said that and now look where they are!" I know how hard it will be to rebuild a relationship with younger people because of the way that their parents and caregivers will keep me away.
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Post by psalterscribbles on Jun 4, 2022 19:38:49 GMT
Educated is one of my favorite books. Such a powerful read. Educated is such an incredible book! But knowing myself, if I had read that book while I was still PR, it would have had no effect on me whatsoever. I would’ve either laughed at the crazy Mormons, or played it off as a sensationalist story. I mean how many PRs do you think come and troll this site just to laugh at our “overly dramatic stories?” I know PRs who have read Educated and recommended it to me as "really good book". Completely unaware of the irony there.
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Post by questioneverything on Jun 4, 2022 23:45:22 GMT
I don't know if others have this experience, but part of my fear of leaving is the fact that I'll be used as a scape-goat for doubt/questioning children and family members, e.g., "Don't say that or you'll end up like ____." or, " ____ said that and now look where they are!" I know how hard it will be to rebuild a relationship with younger people because of the way that their parents and caregivers will keep me away. You're in familiar territory, psalterscribbles. Welcome.
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Post by questioneverything on Jun 5, 2022 19:39:36 GMT
I don't know if others have this experience, but part of my fear of leaving is the fact that I'll be used as a scape-goat for doubt/questioning children and family members, e.g., "Don't say that or you'll end up like ____." or, " ____ said that and now look where they are!" I know how hard it will be to rebuild a relationship with younger people because of the way that their parents and caregivers will keep me away.
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Post by tryingtoleave on Jun 7, 2022 17:02:19 GMT
I don't know if others have this experience, but part of my fear of leaving is the fact that I'll be used as a scape-goat for doubt/questioning children and family members, e.g., "Don't say that or you'll end up like ____." or, " ____ said that and now look where they are!" I know how hard it will be to rebuild a relationship with younger people because of the way that their parents and caregivers will keep me away. I can relate to this. I was afraid family members would say well if you go to that school or do that job you'll turn out like them. Turns out I was right.
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Post by dontdoxmebro on Jun 7, 2022 18:46:00 GMT
I don't know if others have this experience, but part of my fear of leaving is the fact that I'll be used as a scape-goat for doubt/questioning children and family members, e.g., "Don't say that or you'll end up like ____." or, " ____ said that and now look where they are!" I know how hard it will be to rebuild a relationship with younger people because of the way that their parents and caregivers will keep me away. I can relate to this. I was afraid family members would say well if you go to that school or do that job you'll turn out like them. Turns out I was right. I obviously get why from their perspective this makes sense; but love the casual insult of it all. I'm just over here living a totally normal life (by any rational standard) and yet for people who supposedly care about me - I'm a cautionary tale.
"Careful, don't read too many textbooks or you might start using Sunday mornings to go for hikes, listening to metal, and attending movie theaters!!" * gasp *
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Post by questioneverything on Jun 7, 2022 21:08:39 GMT
I can relate to this. I was afraid family members would say well if you go to that school or do that job you'll turn out like them. Turns out I was right. I obviously get why from their perspective this makes sense; but love the casual insult of it all. I'm just over here living a totally normal life (by any rational standard) and yet for people who supposedly care about me - I'm a cautionary tale.
"Careful, don't read too many textbooks or you might start using Sunday mornings to go for hikes, listening to metal, and attending movie theaters!!" * gasp *
Sunday morning hikes are the best.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,190
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Post by Hw on Jun 7, 2022 21:18:58 GMT
I can relate to this. I was afraid family members would say well if you go to that school or do that job you'll turn out like them. Turns out I was right. I obviously get why from their perspective this makes sense; but love the casual insult of it all. I'm just over here living a totally normal life (by any rational standard) and yet for people who supposedly care about me - I'm a cautionary tale.
"Careful, don't read too many textbooks or you might start using Sunday mornings to go for hikes, listening to metal, and attending movie theaters!!" * gasp *
I've had some of my best spiritual moments in the forest or hiking the mountains or running miles through the trails. That church is simply a building like any other!
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