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Post by AgnosticAgain on Mar 23, 2022 18:45:32 GMT
Someone I care about very much is in a bad situation in the PRC. I am really struggling with how to help this person. We have not been in close contact because I am shunned. Distance is also an issue.It feels morally wrong to sit and do nothing. In addition I love and care about this person. Made an attempt to reach out but haven't gotten a response. I have a wealth of information and experience to share. Please don't tell me to pray, I get that. I am not a fan of the "thoughts and prayers" approach over action.
My question is, have anyone of you been in this situation and have practical advice? Also, if you are PR and reading this, what kind of help would you want from an outsider?
Former PRs are mostly discredited because if we left the "one true church," how can we know anything, right?
I could be bitter and say they deserve to suffer in ignorance but I am choosing not to. Also I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Thank you
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Post by prnolonger on Mar 23, 2022 20:25:13 GMT
I have been in this situation from an ex-PR perspective who wants to help a loved-one PR having trouble transitioning out from a bad situation. I think the truism "honesty is the best policy" rings true here. Reach out through a written medium like text, email, or physical letter and let them know you love them and that you want to help them however they are comfortable letting you help. Respect their decision and boundaries regardless and let them know that you will do that, but present yourself as a constant 24/7/365 option they can turn to without any strings attached because your love and help is unconditional. Writing is better than voicemail/phone calls/conversations/dropping by because it is non-contemporaneous. It doesn't happen in real time. It can be referred to and re-referred to and reflected upon and stored for acting upon later and they can collect their thoughts and take their time composing a response if they decide to respond.
If the "needs help" is the stress of life falling apart from questioning/leaving the PRC and the ensuing directionless, generalized anxiety regarding their own physical or spiritual wellbeing: Point them here. Let them be anonymous. They'll participate to the level they feel comfortable. To anyone reading this who fits in that category - you are welcome and safe here. The admins can be trusted. There are literally dozens of stories here from PR's who have struggled or are struggling, including some trusted still-PR's that are actively involved here. You're not alone. Lots of users here read for months or even years before they felt comfortable writing.
If the "needs help" and bad situation is one that puts them in danger from themselves or others. Don't be afraid to have your loved ones committed if they are suicidal. Don't be afraid to call the police if you think their husband/wife/parent/anybody else is abusing them physically or sexually. I don't want to overreact here because I don't know the circumstance of your PR friend who needs help, but abuse and suicidal ideation are not out of the picture here and have happened for people inside the PRC in bad situations. I don't want to give you "reach and tell them about a website and that you love them" as advice if this loved one is in mortal danger. Context is key. It's another thing to consider for my first bit of advice about writing rather than speaking, because writing can be discovered by abusers.
I have no advice about the "distrusted because ex-PR" thing. All you can do is try to help and hope they'll hear it.
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Post by AgnosticAgain on Mar 23, 2022 20:58:54 GMT
I have been in this situation from an ex-PR perspective who wants to help a loved-one PR having trouble transitioning out from a bad situation. I think the truism "honesty is the best policy" rings true here. Reach out through a written medium like text, email, or physical letter and let them know you love them and that you want to help them however they are comfortable letting you help. Respect their decision and boundaries regardless and let them know that you will do that, but present yourself as a constant 24/7/365 option they can turn to without any strings attached because your love and help is unconditional. Writing is better than voicemail/phone calls/conversations/dropping by because it is non-contemporaneous. It doesn't happen in real time. It can be referred to and re-referred to and reflected upon and stored for acting upon later and they can collect their thoughts and take their time composing a response if they decide to respond. If the "needs help" is the stress of life falling apart from questioning/leaving the PRC and the ensuing directionless, generalized anxiety regarding their own physical or spiritual wellbeing: Point them here. Let them be anonymous. They'll participate to the level they feel comfortable. To anyone reading this who fits in that category - you are welcome and safe here. The admins can be trusted. There are literally dozens of stories here from PR's who have struggled or are struggling, including some trusted still-PR's that are actively involved here. You're not alone. Lots of users here read for months or even years before they felt comfortable writing. If the "needs help" and bad situation is one that puts them in danger from themselves or others. Don't be afraid to have your loved ones committed if they are suicidal. Don't be afraid to call the police if you think their husband/wife/parent/anybody else is abusing them physically or sexually. I don't want to overreact here because I don't know the circumstance of your PR friend who needs help, but abuse and suicidal ideation are not out of the picture here and have happened for people inside the PRC in bad situations. I don't want to give you "reach and tell them about a website and that you love them" as advice if this loved one is in mortal danger. Context is key. It's another thing to consider for my first bit of advice about writing rather than speaking, because writing can be discovered by abusers. I have no advice about the "distrusted because ex-PR" thing. All you can do is try to help and hope they'll hear it. Thank you. I like the idea of writing a letter/email so the conversation doesn't need to happen in real time. I am being purposely vague about their situation to protect their privacy and mine. It falls in the area of being in an abusive relationship with no way out because of PRC view on divorce. |
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Post by questioneverything on Mar 23, 2022 21:23:29 GMT
I have been in this situation from an ex-PR perspective who wants to help a loved-one PR having trouble transitioning out from a bad situation. I think the truism "honesty is the best policy" rings true here. Reach out through a written medium like text, email, or physical letter and let them know you love them and that you want to help them however they are comfortable letting you help. Respect their decision and boundaries regardless and let them know that you will do that, but present yourself as a constant 24/7/365 option they can turn to without any strings attached because your love and help is unconditional. Writing is better than voicemail/phone calls/conversations/dropping by because it is non-contemporaneous. It doesn't happen in real time. It can be referred to and re-referred to and reflected upon and stored for acting upon later and they can collect their thoughts and take their time composing a response if they decide to respond. If the "needs help" is the stress of life falling apart from questioning/leaving the PRC and the ensuing directionless, generalized anxiety regarding their own physical or spiritual wellbeing: Point them here. Let them be anonymous. They'll participate to the level they feel comfortable. To anyone reading this who fits in that category - you are welcome and safe here. The admins can be trusted. There are literally dozens of stories here from PR's who have struggled or are struggling, including some trusted still-PR's that are actively involved here. You're not alone. Lots of users here read for months or even years before they felt comfortable writing. If the "needs help" and bad situation is one that puts them in danger from themselves or others. Don't be afraid to have your loved ones committed if they are suicidal. Don't be afraid to call the police if you think their husband/wife/parent/anybody else is abusing them physically or sexually. I don't want to overreact here because I don't know the circumstance of your PR friend who needs help, but abuse and suicidal ideation are not out of the picture here and have happened for people inside the PRC in bad situations. I don't want to give you "reach and tell them about a website and that you love them" as advice if this loved one is in mortal danger. Context is key. It's another thing to consider for my first bit of advice about writing rather than speaking, because writing can be discovered by abusers. I have no advice about the "distrusted because ex-PR" thing. All you can do is try to help and hope they'll hear it. Thank you. I like the idea of writing a letter/email so the conversation doesn't need to happen in real time. I am being purposely vague about their situation to protect their privacy and mine. It falls in the area of being in an abusive relationship with no way out because of PRC view on divorce. Please make sure your avenue of communication is safe and private. Abusers are often vigilant about all the communications of the ones they abuse. I've seen the bruises to confirm this. Yes, PR bruises, swept under rugs. I'm sure you'll be careful, you know the extremists you're up against. |
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Post by AgnosticAgain on Mar 23, 2022 22:26:25 GMT
Please make sure your avenue of communication is safe and private. Abusers are often vigilant about all the communications of the ones they abuse. I've seen the bruises to confirm this. Yes, PR bruises, swept under rugs.
I'm sure you'll be careful, you know the extremists you're up against.[/quote]
This is tough. Email seems safest. Unfortunately I don't know a lot of details. I have been in an abusive relationship myself so I have that perspective. I wouldn't have gotten out without the help of people who literally pulled me out. Professionals but also friends.
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,190 
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Post by Hw on Apr 6, 2022 14:26:09 GMT
Someone I care about very much is in a bad situation in the PRC. I am really struggling with how to help this person. We have not been in close contact because I am shunned. Distance is also an issue.It feels morally wrong to sit and do nothing. In addition I love and care about this person. Made an attempt to reach out but haven't gotten a response. I have a wealth of information and experience to share. Please don't tell me to pray, I get that. I am not a fan of the "thoughts and prayers" approach over action. My question is, have anyone of you been in this situation and have practical advice? Also, if you are PR and reading this, what kind of help would you want from an outsider? Former PRs are mostly discredited because if we left the "one true church," how can we know anything, right? I could be bitter and say they deserve to suffer in ignorance but I am choosing not to. Also I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Thank you If you can help get them out (including kids and pets if that's involved), we have the room for them. My home is so private and so safe with 100s of acres of state land surrounding us and we are at least 1/3 of a mile, around a corner, from the road. I mean this sincerely. I am ready, day or night, to help if it is needed. I was there. Horribly abused and I left. But I was homeless and destitute with 4 kids. I won't allow that to happen to anyone if I can help it! Message me if you need info or contact info. This needs action, not prayer from a distance. I'm hoping for freedom from abuse for this person! |
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Post by cannalily on Apr 6, 2022 14:53:16 GMT
Someone I care about very much is in a bad situation in the PRC. I am really struggling with how to help this person. We have not been in close contact because I am shunned. Distance is also an issue.It feels morally wrong to sit and do nothing. In addition I love and care about this person. Made an attempt to reach out but haven't gotten a response. I have a wealth of information and experience to share. Please don't tell me to pray, I get that. I am not a fan of the "thoughts and prayers" approach over action. My question is, have anyone of you been in this situation and have practical advice? Also, if you are PR and reading this, what kind of help would you want from an outsider? Former PRs are mostly discredited because if we left the "one true church," how can we know anything, right? I could be bitter and say they deserve to suffer in ignorance but I am choosing not to. Also I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Thank you I did a certified letter to a person in the PRC - they opened it, and I got the return receipt. This worked for me because the person I contacted usually didn't get these types of items, so it was "special" to them. |
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Post by AgnosticAgain on Apr 9, 2022 20:03:33 GMT
Someone I care about very much is in a bad situation in the PRC. I am really struggling with how to help this person. We have not been in close contact because I am shunned. Distance is also an issue.It feels morally wrong to sit and do nothing. In addition I love and care about this person. Made an attempt to reach out but haven't gotten a response. I have a wealth of information and experience to share. Please don't tell me to pray, I get that. I am not a fan of the "thoughts and prayers" approach over action. My question is, have anyone of you been in this situation and have practical advice? Also, if you are PR and reading this, what kind of help would you want from an outsider? Former PRs are mostly discredited because if we left the "one true church," how can we know anything, right? I could be bitter and say they deserve to suffer in ignorance but I am choosing not to. Also I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Thank you I did a certified letter to a person in the PRC - they opened it, and I got the return receipt. This worked for me because the person I contacted usually didn't get these types of items, so it was "special" to them. Good idea! I kind of forgot about certified letters. |
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Post by AgnosticAgain on Apr 9, 2022 20:11:33 GMT
Someone I care about very much is in a bad situation in the PRC. I am really struggling with how to help this person. We have not been in close contact because I am shunned. Distance is also an issue.It feels morally wrong to sit and do nothing. In addition I love and care about this person. Made an attempt to reach out but haven't gotten a response. I have a wealth of information and experience to share. Please don't tell me to pray, I get that. I am not a fan of the "thoughts and prayers" approach over action. My question is, have anyone of you been in this situation and have practical advice? Also, if you are PR and reading this, what kind of help would you want from an outsider? Former PRs are mostly discredited because if we left the "one true church," how can we know anything, right? I could be bitter and say they deserve to suffer in ignorance but I am choosing not to. Also I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Thank you If you can help get them out (including kids and pets if that's involved), we have the room for them. My home is so private and so safe with 100s of acres of state land surrounding us and we are at least 1/3 of a mile, around a corner, from the road. I mean this sincerely. I am ready, day or night, to help if it is needed. I was there. Horribly abused and I left. But I was homeless and destitute with 4 kids. I won't allow that to happen to anyone if I can help it! Message me if you need info or contact info. This needs action, not prayer from a distance. I'm hoping for freedom from abuse for this person! Thank you for the generous offer. I will definitely keep it in mind. This person and I live in different states and I don't know much freedom they have to relocate. Definitely agree that action and not just prayer from afar is needed. Unfortunately children are involved ☹️. I don't want to see it happen to anyone either but am limited in ways I can help because of my own situation. How wonderful that you have a refuge for people in these situations. |
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Hw
The Kitchen
Posts: 1,190
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Post by Hw on Apr 9, 2022 23:32:39 GMT
If you can help get them out (including kids and pets if that's involved), we have the room for them. My home is so private and so safe with 100s of acres of state land surrounding us and we are at least 1/3 of a mile, around a corner, from the road. I mean this sincerely. I am ready, day or night, to help if it is needed. I was there. Horribly abused and I left. But I was homeless and destitute with 4 kids. I won't allow that to happen to anyone if I can help it! Message me if you need info or contact info. This needs action, not prayer from a distance. I'm hoping for freedom from abuse for this person! Thank you for the generous offer. I will definitely keep it in mind. This person and I live in different states and I don't know much freedom they have to relocate. Definitely agree that action and not just prayer from afar is needed. Unfortunately children are involved ☹️. I don't want to see it happen to anyone either but am limited in ways I can help because of my own situation. How wonderful that you have a refuge for people in these situations. If there is any way I, or we in this forum, could help you in saving her, Please message me. Fill me in there and I promise you, I will find the way and the means to help her and her children. I will give direct contact info to you if needed after getting verification from the moderators of this forum. I will be praying over her and that a way of escape is found. |
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