Post by Hw on Jun 23, 2022 22:14:42 GMT
Good afternoon friends! Just a brief update.
The podcast was filmed yesterday afternoon and they intended to do part 1 then and schedule part 2 next week. The conversation continued after wrapping up part 1 and before I knew it, I was asked if I could stay and simply continue. So that's what I did.
How did it go? I find it hard to judge my own performance but I can say the 3 people there (the 2 who do the podcast and my husband) were in tears listening. The spouse of the one interviewing me was visibly shook as I recalled some of my journey from there to here. It was gut wrenching at times. Joyful at others. But at the end, I felt such a tremendous relief from the weight of it and I was joyful.
The podcast will be released in 2 segments. The first airs near the end of July and the second a week later. I'm eager to see it. In the days before going there, I struggled with how to approach it. Do I take notes and bring references? Do I study and brush up on information? And then I realized I wanted it raw, not rehearsed. What you will see is me responding off the cuff and in the moment. You will see emotion and tears. You will see joy. You will simply see Heidi Huber Woldhuis... Survivor, Victor, and hopefully a Healer to the many who are out there hurting so badly.
To all who supported and encouraged me, I can only express my love and gratitude towards you. I need you more than you know. Maybe it seemed that I was so confident and unworried about taking this next step. I can confirm that I was anything but! And for that, I'm glad. I need to remember the enormity of what I have begun. This ranks up there with poking the bear I believe.
Based on messages I have received, there are some in that church who don't really like me all that much. I knew that would be the result. I will continue to hold monthly get togethers but locations will be random and info about where will be very private. We plan to install motion cameras along our drive so we will always know when someone uses our driveway. We have a very trusted neighbor who also watches over our home when we are away so nobody comes up the drive without he or us knowing it. He has no idea why we are so cautious, LOL, but he's actually happy about it.
I've realized something since I've been openly talking about shunning and my excommunication. People cannot believe this happens yet, in these modern times. They can't fathom that it was because I left a violent husband. Everyone waits eagerly to hear WHY they shunned and excommunicated me only to hear the reason and they literally are baffled and outraged. They are shocked to hear what that church puts people through. One word has ALWAYS been used. And I mean every single person has said it. "That's not a church, it's a cult!".
I'm not a natural leader. I'm not brave. I'm not perfect. I'm not accomplished. I'm not highly respected and successful. What I am is genuine, real, honest, and I love the hurting so very much. It's that love that drives me to do things I never would have believed I'd be doing! Doing this is healing for me. Don't take me wrong. I do NOT enjoy stirring the pot, causing trouble, or being in the hot seat. I don't enjoy outing people or churches. I don't enjoy that what I do will hurt some people. Those people though are the ones who are guilty of causing pain to so many! They themselves clearly laid out how an abuser must proceed if they are to remain in that church. Well, I think it should start at the very top.
They should be examples and willingly and without hesitation proclaim and confess their wrong doing and not withhold any information, known or unknown. They need to pay the penalty set out for them and eagerly and without hesitation or arguing, pay restitution as demanded.
I'm not hiding. I'm in plain sight. I waited longer than I needed to for any of them to reach out. They haven't and I expect they won't. How dare they demand the flock follows rules which they wrote when they refuse to do it themselves. For too many decades, their closets have been full of hidden and continuing sins and abuse. The carpets can no longer conceal the mountain of things they swept under there. I'm done simply talking. I do not know exactly what will happen but I am sleeping easy every night now. Why?? Because truth, justice, and that which is right is on my side.
It's my hope that they willingly open their churches and deep clean. That they pursue,legally, actions against abusers. That they protect, love, and give haven to the abused and wronged. Only then can they be allowed to say that Jesus is in their midst. Legalism is vile and they are dripping in it. I am eternally thankful to have escaped the fate of my life spent there.
For those who feel hopeless and trapped...I love you more than you know and I promise you, I am trying so hard to make changes, real changes, happen there. I feel I'm not doing nearly enough and I want so badly to rescue all of you. Giving up is not in my vocabulary this time. My Engelsma stubbornness is actually useful now! I'm trying to get to you. I'm working to help you find joy, because you deserve that. It's meant for you! Life shouldn't be something to suffer through. It's meant to be lived... every single beautiful, precious moment.
Happy Thursday my much loved forum mates!
The podcast was filmed yesterday afternoon and they intended to do part 1 then and schedule part 2 next week. The conversation continued after wrapping up part 1 and before I knew it, I was asked if I could stay and simply continue. So that's what I did.
How did it go? I find it hard to judge my own performance but I can say the 3 people there (the 2 who do the podcast and my husband) were in tears listening. The spouse of the one interviewing me was visibly shook as I recalled some of my journey from there to here. It was gut wrenching at times. Joyful at others. But at the end, I felt such a tremendous relief from the weight of it and I was joyful.
The podcast will be released in 2 segments. The first airs near the end of July and the second a week later. I'm eager to see it. In the days before going there, I struggled with how to approach it. Do I take notes and bring references? Do I study and brush up on information? And then I realized I wanted it raw, not rehearsed. What you will see is me responding off the cuff and in the moment. You will see emotion and tears. You will see joy. You will simply see Heidi Huber Woldhuis... Survivor, Victor, and hopefully a Healer to the many who are out there hurting so badly.
To all who supported and encouraged me, I can only express my love and gratitude towards you. I need you more than you know. Maybe it seemed that I was so confident and unworried about taking this next step. I can confirm that I was anything but! And for that, I'm glad. I need to remember the enormity of what I have begun. This ranks up there with poking the bear I believe.
Based on messages I have received, there are some in that church who don't really like me all that much. I knew that would be the result. I will continue to hold monthly get togethers but locations will be random and info about where will be very private. We plan to install motion cameras along our drive so we will always know when someone uses our driveway. We have a very trusted neighbor who also watches over our home when we are away so nobody comes up the drive without he or us knowing it. He has no idea why we are so cautious, LOL, but he's actually happy about it.
I've realized something since I've been openly talking about shunning and my excommunication. People cannot believe this happens yet, in these modern times. They can't fathom that it was because I left a violent husband. Everyone waits eagerly to hear WHY they shunned and excommunicated me only to hear the reason and they literally are baffled and outraged. They are shocked to hear what that church puts people through. One word has ALWAYS been used. And I mean every single person has said it. "That's not a church, it's a cult!".
I'm not a natural leader. I'm not brave. I'm not perfect. I'm not accomplished. I'm not highly respected and successful. What I am is genuine, real, honest, and I love the hurting so very much. It's that love that drives me to do things I never would have believed I'd be doing! Doing this is healing for me. Don't take me wrong. I do NOT enjoy stirring the pot, causing trouble, or being in the hot seat. I don't enjoy outing people or churches. I don't enjoy that what I do will hurt some people. Those people though are the ones who are guilty of causing pain to so many! They themselves clearly laid out how an abuser must proceed if they are to remain in that church. Well, I think it should start at the very top.
They should be examples and willingly and without hesitation proclaim and confess their wrong doing and not withhold any information, known or unknown. They need to pay the penalty set out for them and eagerly and without hesitation or arguing, pay restitution as demanded.
I'm not hiding. I'm in plain sight. I waited longer than I needed to for any of them to reach out. They haven't and I expect they won't. How dare they demand the flock follows rules which they wrote when they refuse to do it themselves. For too many decades, their closets have been full of hidden and continuing sins and abuse. The carpets can no longer conceal the mountain of things they swept under there. I'm done simply talking. I do not know exactly what will happen but I am sleeping easy every night now. Why?? Because truth, justice, and that which is right is on my side.
It's my hope that they willingly open their churches and deep clean. That they pursue,legally, actions against abusers. That they protect, love, and give haven to the abused and wronged. Only then can they be allowed to say that Jesus is in their midst. Legalism is vile and they are dripping in it. I am eternally thankful to have escaped the fate of my life spent there.
For those who feel hopeless and trapped...I love you more than you know and I promise you, I am trying so hard to make changes, real changes, happen there. I feel I'm not doing nearly enough and I want so badly to rescue all of you. Giving up is not in my vocabulary this time. My Engelsma stubbornness is actually useful now! I'm trying to get to you. I'm working to help you find joy, because you deserve that. It's meant for you! Life shouldn't be something to suffer through. It's meant to be lived... every single beautiful, precious moment.
Happy Thursday my much loved forum mates!
