goodbyeprc
Plate Skipper
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Posts: 9
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Post by goodbyeprc on Mar 10, 2023 23:09:18 GMT
Thanks for that post, very informative. One odd thing I remember about RVO, which at the time, the crowd around me all laughed. He made a comment which I will quote as I remember. “It’s so funny watching all the girls during the prayer after the sermon. Everybody is pulling up their shirts and adjusting themselves before standing up to sing”. Then he proceeded to mimic a girl pulling up her undershirt to cover her cleavage. WEIRD! WHY DID I NOT REALIZE IT.
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Post by blessed2be on Mar 10, 2023 23:26:08 GMT
Thanks for that post, very informative. One odd thing I remember about RVO, which at the time, the crowd around me all laughed. He made a comment which I will quote as I remember. “It’s so funny watching all the girls during the prayer after the sermon. Everybody is pulling up their shirts and adjusting themselves before standing up to sing”. Then he proceeded to mimic a girl pulling up her undershirt to cover her cleavage. WEIRD! WHY DID I NOT REALIZE IT. F'ing pervert. |
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Post by unshackled on Mar 10, 2023 23:35:20 GMT
Thanks for that post, very informative. One odd thing I remember about RVO, which at the time, the crowd around me all laughed. He made a comment which I will quote as I remember. “It’s so funny watching all the girls during the prayer after the sermon. Everybody is pulling up their shirts and adjusting themselves before standing up to sing”. Then he proceeded to mimic a girl pulling up her undershirt to cover her cleavage. WEIRD! WHY DID I NOT REALIZE IT. I've learned a lesson from this, from now on when someone tells me they're a disgusting pervert, I'll believe them. I mean for real, what's the count of known skeevy pervs in the pulpit at now? Kamps, Moore, Terpstra, RVO, who am I missing? |
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Post by triplesense on Mar 11, 2023 0:16:50 GMT
Welcome, triplesense. I understand and appreciate your point. I'm intending to write a bullet point entry on RVO. He's on the list. I have some others I want to get to before that. Another problem is that we have such an enormous amount of information on RVO it's hard to know what to include. It is an unending cascade of things the PRC did wrong and is still doing. So many victims to consider and other things to consider carefully. In the mean time, there is the RVO Timeline Summary I put together to help people be able to consume a somewhat condenses version of the RVO thread. I welcome any stories you have that may contribute to opening people's eyes to the abuse. There are still so many people who remain willfully ignorant. Any story helps. Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. |
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Post by blessed2be on Mar 11, 2023 0:59:42 GMT
Welcome, triplesense. I understand and appreciate your point. I'm intending to write a bullet point entry on RVO. He's on the list. I have some others I want to get to before that. Another problem is that we have such an enormous amount of information on RVO it's hard to know what to include. It is an unending cascade of things the PRC did wrong and is still doing. So many victims to consider and other things to consider carefully. In the mean time, there is the RVO Timeline Summary I put together to help people be able to consume a somewhat condenses version of the RVO thread. I welcome any stories you have that may contribute to opening people's eyes to the abuse. There are still so many people who remain willfully ignorant. Any story helps. Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. I can promise that Heidi would love to speak with you. Yes she is busy, but she loves people. ❤️ Please speak with her, or Prnolonger. Both are 100% trustworthy. Sending you a big hug. Thank you for posting! |
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jaja
Deaconberry
Posts: 50
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Post by jaja on Mar 11, 2023 1:15:27 GMT
Thanks for that post, very informative. One odd thing I remember about RVO, which at the time, the crowd around me all laughed. He made a comment which I will quote as I remember. “It’s so funny watching all the girls during the prayer after the sermon. Everybody is pulling up their shirts and adjusting themselves before standing up to sing”. Then he proceeded to mimic a girl pulling up her undershirt to cover her cleavage. WEIRD! WHY DID I NOT REALIZE IT. Gross. Gross. Gross. |
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Post by Admin on Mar 11, 2023 1:42:47 GMT
Somewhat new here, ex-PR, RVO was my pastor growing up. I read the entire RVO post along with some others. It took me a little while to find the RVO thread - I just wondered why there is not a link to that post in this thread? I am still reading many posts, trying to absorb things about people I knew many years ago. Shocking in many ways, but not so shocking in other ways based on my experiences growing up PR. I am a guy and some of the things I saw and heard from my guy friends/classmates were so shocking and disturbing that I did not know what to say even then. After all this came out, I mentioned it for the first time to a brother ... he had quite a few more shocking stories to add as well. So many PR girls were victims of abuse ... Hi Triplesense, Thanks for posting! The Admin Team  |
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Post by prnolonger on Mar 11, 2023 1:55:29 GMT
Welcome, triplesense. I understand and appreciate your point. I'm intending to write a bullet point entry on RVO. He's on the list. I have some others I want to get to before that. Another problem is that we have such an enormous amount of information on RVO it's hard to know what to include. It is an unending cascade of things the PRC did wrong and is still doing. So many victims to consider and other things to consider carefully. In the mean time, there is the RVO Timeline Summary I put together to help people be able to consume a somewhat condenses version of the RVO thread. I welcome any stories you have that may contribute to opening people's eyes to the abuse. There are still so many people who remain willfully ignorant. Any story helps. Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. I'm so sorry to hear that. You're among friends here. There's other people here that have been through this same experience too, so you'll find sympathetic and understanding ears here. My DM's are always open. |
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Post by Heidi Woldhuis on Mar 11, 2023 13:31:46 GMT
Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. I'm so sorry to hear that. You're among friends here. There's other people here that have been through this same experience too, so you'll find sympathetic and understanding ears here. My DM's are always open. I can vouch for this also. There are many here who are safe and want to help! And i am NEVER too busy to listen. That's why I'm here. DM anytime! |
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Post by Admin on Mar 11, 2023 13:39:48 GMT
Somewhat new here, ex-PR, RVO was my pastor growing up. I read the entire RVO post along with some others. It took me a little while to find the RVO thread - I just wondered why there is not a link to that post in this thread? I am still reading many posts, trying to absorb things about people I knew many years ago. Shocking in many ways, but not so shocking in other ways based on my experiences growing up PR. I am a guy and some of the things I saw and heard from my guy friends/classmates were so shocking and disturbing that I did not know what to say even then. After all this came out, I mentioned it for the first time to a brother ... he had quite a few more shocking stories to add as well. So many PR girls were victims of abuse ... Hi Triplesense, ...a little late to the party, but thanks for posting! The Admin Team |
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Post by Feminist on Mar 11, 2023 17:46:32 GMT
Welcome, triplesense. I understand and appreciate your point. I'm intending to write a bullet point entry on RVO. He's on the list. I have some others I want to get to before that. Another problem is that we have such an enormous amount of information on RVO it's hard to know what to include. It is an unending cascade of things the PRC did wrong and is still doing. So many victims to consider and other things to consider carefully. In the mean time, there is the RVO Timeline Summary I put together to help people be able to consume a somewhat condenses version of the RVO thread. I welcome any stories you have that may contribute to opening people's eyes to the abuse. There are still so many people who remain willfully ignorant. Any story helps. Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. It’s wise to keep some things more private. I agree, many people on the forum will not gossip and are here to support you, but it is a public forum, everyone isn’t an ally, and stories will spread. There are things I would never share on this forum or with someone I don’t know personally, without a deep trust. I hope you can find some solace in a therapist or in speaking with someone like Heidi. 💕 |
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Post by searching4truth on Mar 11, 2023 20:08:38 GMT
Welcome, triplesense. I understand and appreciate your point. I'm intending to write a bullet point entry on RVO. He's on the list. I have some others I want to get to before that. Another problem is that we have such an enormous amount of information on RVO it's hard to know what to include. It is an unending cascade of things the PRC did wrong and is still doing. So many victims to consider and other things to consider carefully. In the mean time, there is the RVO Timeline Summary I put together to help people be able to consume a somewhat condenses version of the RVO thread. I welcome any stories you have that may contribute to opening people's eyes to the abuse. There are still so many people who remain willfully ignorant. Any story helps. Thank you prnolonger. Your RVO summary was excellent and saves a lot of reading for new readers. I am not sure where to put some of what I know, and not sure how much I want to 'say out loud'. I thankfully did not encounter 'pastor/leader' abuse myself, what I encountered was much more 'in the pew'. It was sexual abuse in the home, and not only by the father. It was incest ... girls being harassed, abused, even raped by their own brothers. Unfortunately this may have been more common than pastor/teacher abuse just due to the numbers of families and kids. Not sure if there are threads dealing with this on here, I am still trying to catch up. Not even sure if this is worth bringing up. I am a few years older than Heidi, so this goes back a ways. Since Heidi has gone public, and I know so much about her now, I would certainly be comfortable talking with her about it, but she is very busy. I would think long and hard before talking specifics with anyone else until I got to know them better. The PR family trees have roots and branches all over so there are risks in talking about old family secrets. This is not surprising. I think incest / sexual abuse by older siblings is much more common than anyone wants to think about. And in a place with such a culture of silence like the prc has ... Definitely . |
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Post by triplesense on Mar 12, 2023 20:44:22 GMT
Thank you for the replies, I appreciate your advice.
Different thought ... what goes on in the mind of these abusers? How are they able to abuse in secret for years, yet present an entirely different face to their families and friends? What psychological mechanisms exist in their psyche that enable them to be able to live with such an immense spiritual, and emotional dichotomy? How do they live with themselves and continue to publicly present themselves as normal, good, Christian people, while they continue to be abusers?
I guess what I mean is, how do they sleep at night? How do they not end up with split personalities, or other psychological issues, or with drug or alcohol addictions to dull/kill their conscience? How could there not be other signs to other people that know them?
Come to think of it, maybe it is a similar coping mechanism on both sides of abuse. I have talked with a number of women who had repressed memories that only came back due to specific events that eventually triggered them. One had no memories of her father abusing her until her first serious boyfriend; imitimacy issues triggered questions that brought back long repressed memories. Another friend again had no memories of her father abusing her until her own daughter was the age 'Bbbb' had been when her father abused her. She suddenly could not allow her daughter to spend time at a neighbors house and could not explain why initally, then the memories starting coming back.
I do have a little experience (far less) with people on the other side (abusers). They were able to compartmentalize to such an extent that I could not determine if they were lying to me, lying to themselves, or if they were actually able to selectively erase memories to the point that they themselves 'could not remember' the abuse they committed. Many psychological problems are actually defense mechanisms that our brain employs/develops to protect ourselves from confronting memories that threaten to destroy us.
Sorry if I am rambling now ... maybe I have come full circle thinking 'out loud' here. I think survivors utilize compartmentalization in order to survive situations they cannot escape from, but maybe abusers also compartmentalize, allowing them to hide their own memories as well. Most 'bad people' can somehow justify many of their bad behaviors, but I have always wondered if really bad people (abusers) can actually selectively erase memories from their conscious mind?
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Post by unwrittenrules on Mar 12, 2023 21:46:46 GMT
triplesense I also have had those thoughts. I have found that abuse doesn't make sense. There is so much chaos and confusion. Many lies are told. I have for so long tried to understand and I feel that I have come to terms with my not understanding it. Here is something I wrote when I was beginning my journey of healing: "I did think about the abuse, and I questioned if he had been intentional. I gave him excuse after excuse. I thought there is no way that he could have known what he was doing and still continue. He must not have known. It was all my mistake. No way could somebody intentionally use my body that way. No way could somebody do that without an apology. He didn’t know. I would go round and round with those thoughts for years." For so long my mind had to believe he didn't know what he was doing. He knew. It is an important lesson to learn that people can be deceptive. People in your own family and/or people in the church. That is why telling our stories of abuse is so important. Reading other people's stories have helped me come to a place of clarity. The dynamics of abuse seem to be played out over and over again. We have so much information now more than ever and there are many tools and skills that can be learned for healing. Abusers do not like when survivors find healing, so watch out for those who are blocking the path of healing.
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Post by freefromdumbnation on Mar 12, 2023 21:56:01 GMT
triplesense I also have had those thoughts. I have found that abuse doesn't make sense. There is so much chaos and confusion. Many lies are told. I have for so long tried to understand and I feel that I have come to terms with my not understanding it. Here is something I wrote when I was beginning my journey of healing: "I did think about the abuse, and I questioned if he had been intentional. I gave him excuse after excuse. I thought there is no way that he could have known what he was doing and still continue. He must not have known. It was all my mistake. No way could somebody intentionally use my body that way. No way could somebody do that without an apology. He didn’t know. I would go round and round with those thoughts for years." For so long my mind had to believe he didn't know what he was doing. He knew. It is am important lesson to learn that people can be deceptive. People in your own family and/or people in the church. That is why telling our stories of abuse is so important. Reading other people's stories have helped me come to a place of clarity. The dynamics of abuse seem to be played out over and over again. We have so much information now more than ever and there are many tools and skills that can be learned for healing. Abusers do not like what survivors find healing, so watch out for those who are blocking the path of healing. Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts with us all and trusting us with them. I can relate to the thoughts that "maybe he just didn't know what he was doing" or "it's my fault it happened"..somehow these thoughts can serve to make what happened to you feel less painful than admitting that someone who was supposed to love you and be your friend (or parent, or teacher, or brother or sister) and be SAFE chose instead to rip away your innocence and sense of self. I just wanted to say, too, that I am so sorry for your pain, but so grateful that you have found healing. You are in good company here, friend❤️ |
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