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Post by elusiverebel on Jun 19, 2024 14:15:26 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences.
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Post by prnolonger on Jun 19, 2024 14:37:44 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences. I'll just share a little compassion and affirmation. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair. You don't deserve it. This is hard and you're right to call it out as such. You are a valuable human being. There are certainly plenty of others around here who can relate.
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Post by notakoolaiddrinker on Jun 19, 2024 14:46:40 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences. I 100% can relate!!! Good for you! Thank you for the book recommendation!
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Post by elusiverebel on Jun 20, 2024 0:36:13 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences. I'll just share a little compassion and affirmation. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair. You don't deserve it. This is hard and you're right to call it out as such. You are a valuable human being. There are certainly plenty of others around here who can relate. I appreciate the kind words. Everyone I have opened up to about this is absolutely flabbergasted. Family does…what? I talk to therapists and they commend my resilience. I’m starting to understand, this is not normal. It is not necessarily a *me* problem. I must overcome the shame.
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grumpy
Seminary Student
Repent / Believe
Posts: 406
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Post by grumpy on Jun 20, 2024 3:42:40 GMT
I'll just share a little compassion and affirmation. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not fair. You don't deserve it. This is hard and you're right to call it out as such. You are a valuable human being. There are certainly plenty of others around here who can relate. I appreciate the kind words. Everyone I have opened up to about this is absolutely flabbergasted. Family does…what? I talk to therapists and they commend my resilience. I’m starting to understand, this is not normal. It is not necessarily a *me* problem. I must overcome the shame. When they act worse than an infidel, it's not you. It's them. But it still hurts. If people are flabbergasted, that's further confirmation that it's not you. (Been there.) Hope that helps.
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Post by elusiverebel on Jun 20, 2024 4:29:11 GMT
I appreciate the kind words. Everyone I have opened up to about this is absolutely flabbergasted. Family does…what? I talk to therapists and they commend my resilience. I’m starting to understand, this is not normal. It is not necessarily a *me* problem. I must overcome the shame. When they act worse than an infidel, it's not you. It's them. But it still hurts. If people are flabbergasted, that's further confirmation that it's not you. (Been there.) Hope that helps. “ 8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” It does help, actually. I know my heart and so does God. I know what they are doing is not in alignment. Thank you.
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Post by executor on Jun 20, 2024 11:58:31 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences. You are not alone and there are many out there (in here) that support you. I bring these situations up to people in my new church and they are in complete shock that this crap is happening. To the point of "you cannot make this sh-- up". Stay stay strong!
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Post by Andatlastiseethelight on Jun 21, 2024 2:38:14 GMT
Without going into too much detail of my life and circumstances, since leaving the Church ™, I’ve gone through a painful cycle with my family who are still there. Years of dismissal, pleas to return and I would be “welcomed with open arms”(yeah, right), promising attempts of reconciliation and healing…only to be followed with another discarding. Each time more painful than the last. I’ve come to realize this is much like the patterns of an abusive/narcissistic relationship. Complete with flying monkeys in the form of siblings. After a recent incident of yet again being discarded after a couple years of promising conversation and even visits, I’ve decided I need to officially cut ties and love from a distance for my own mental health and sanity. I’ve tried my hardest to heal the relationship but their ties to the church and sanctimonious identity clearly mean more than family. No doubt there are others here who may relate. A wise friend recommended the book “ But It’s Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath” by Sherrie Campbell - it is en route. Please feel free to share other books, videos, podcasts, etc. in this thread that address the issue. Or your own experiences. This kind of behavior is something you should be sad for them in order to act out. It’s a learned behavior, and exhibits severe relational immaturity, and a form of coercive control (passive aggressive.) The harder a community forces extreme allegiance, the more suspect we should be at what they are hiding from. (Why are they so insecure?)
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