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Post by stillvanrecovering on Jan 14, 2023 13:57:47 GMT
The part about asking the victim/target to bear new secrets about domestic sexual or physical abuse is very real. When you tell people about 1 and 2, it is common that the experience of telling (3) teaches you the devastating truth about the told (4). When the people you told have more empathy for and motivation to protect the abuser, you go out of that telling to carry more trauma and rejection, because the truth about the told is this: They care about the abuser's reputation or the reputation of the abuser's institution more than they care about your healing, your belonging, your value, and and maybe even your future life. They are supposed to prioritize care for you, but they are unable or unwilling to do this. When the told who do this to you are your spiritual leaders (elders, pastors, church mentors) you have now also become a survivor of spiritual abuse. Those spiritual leaders have very likely acted this form of abuse and silencing to many others besides you. Wade Mullen on How to Spot Spiritual Abuse - this entire YouTube video is worth the listen - or read the transcript here I was particularly struck with this section of the speech starting around (26:48): "Now I want to bring your attention to another important piece to all of this, and that is the role of the community. If an abuser has inordinate control over a community of people, which is often the case, then that community can become spiritually abusive as well and might begin to mirror the abuser in their use of these attacks. One of the common denominators I've observed throughout the hundreds of cases I've studied is that the community has positioned the leadership role as a keystone holding everything together. And arch has a keystone at the very top holding the entire structure up. You remove the keystone and the arch collapses. And many of our systems are structured around a single keystone much in the same way. Ecosystems have keystone species, an animal that is necessary for the ecosystem to sustain itself. So you have a community in need of a keystone and you have narcissistic individuals. Hunters scouring the landscape for an op opportunity to occupy a keystone role from which they can gain possession of the things they want. So together the abusive leader in the community cooperate to maintain the performance needed to keep the structure intact. Now why does this matter? Because the truth teller, this is often the victim, the one speaking out will become a threat to the community. The abusive system then assaults the internal and external worlds of the victim in the same way the abusive individual has. It's as if the victim has been handed over by the abuser to a team of abusers to begin the dismantling process all over again. These attacks put the truth teller on the defensive. They're now the ones who are under investigation and scrutiny who are backed into, into a corner, asked to give an account for their behavior. And one of the most difficult moments for a survivor is when their story finally told to the leaders of the organization with the expectation that they will be met with light and they're instead met with darkness. And they discover that the leaders are prepared to take the victim through the same process that the abuser has taken them through only at starting all over. And I don't think many of our church leaders quite understand this and what it is like abusers force secrecy upon their victims, the moment boundaries are crossed. And like any weight, those secrets become harder to carry over time. The victim feels trapped as a desire to be free from the burden of secrecy is repeatedly met with a fear of what will happen if the truth is revealed. And it's a reasonable fear. Many abusers, coercive victims into silence with threats meant to give the victim the impression that telling anyone will cause some kind of destruction. So the decision to tell the truth is an act of tremendous courage, often driven and motivated by the hope of finally being free of the burden of secrecy and perhaps out of a concern and o usually out of a concern that others might be being harmed as well. Yet many have experienced that, that moment a profound betrayal when those they tell demand, they continue to carry the secrets, fears become a reality and hope is shattered. As the organization cooperates with the abuser in their attempt to keep the victim silent, a refusal to believe, to respond with justice, and to respond with care and compassion, ask the victim to bear new secrets, making the oppression even weightier as they leave, carrying not only the truth about the abuse and not only the truth about the abuser, but now the truth about who, the telling, the fact that they told someone and also the truth about who they told. So the victim tells with the hope of being free of these dark secrets, but tragically leaves carrying more of them. And what's more victims then live with a profound disillusioning sense of injustice when their abusers, when those who cover for them absent any accountability move through life with apparent ease, are allowed to resign while the victim's absent support struggle to survive under the weight of such painful truths. The darkness of the secret seems to only envelop the victim. We must begin to grasp the harm that is caused not just by the abuser, but also by those who fail to act when they become aware of the abuse. And our churches are only safe when victims are free of such secrets because they no longer have to keep their stories close to their chest for fear of how others will respond." After watching the video last night I sat with Jeremiah 5:26ff which the speaker used in early in the open (around 5:42). " wicked men are found among my people..they set a trap.. they have become great and rich.. they judge not with justice..they do not defend the rights of the needy..Shall I not punish them for these things? declares the Lord..An appalling and horrible thing has happened in the land..the prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests rule at their direction; my people love to have it so, but what will you do when the end comes?" My natural inclination is to dismiss the thought these words being applied to me or my church community. PRCA leaders and members may well bristle at the thought these labels of abusers and complicit followers apply to the "truest manifestation of the church in the world"™. You may dismiss and diminish this speaker or those who have left the PRCA with your straw-man of one with "wrong theology." Before you do that, engage with this message honestly. How does the deficiency of not being Protestant Reformed disqualify individuals like Mr. Mullen from helping you right the wrong? If you are a church leader (or school board member), what is the reason for waiting for a Classis or Synod to take action? Start with your local congregation (or school) and engage GRACE or a similar party for a third-party assessment. Listen to the stories of those who have bravely shared their stories here..do you deny that wicked men are among your people and may well be systemic? Is it possible results of a third party investigation pose an existential crisis to the neat-and-tidy system you have erected, accepted, and promoted? Per the biography, Wade Mullen has "also been serving when needed as an institutional response specialist with GRACE since 2020, assisting them primarily with institutional assessments."
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Post by susie on Jan 22, 2023 18:35:19 GMT
I wish I could leave. Another wasted day in my life today, and still another church service to attend. Just read this post. Why are you not leaving?? Your spiritual soul should be most important above all! Talk some more in here! Well said, maggie. It looks like a huge, impossible step to leave...AND it is huge. Good advice to come here often & talk, talk, talk. Talking about leaving is therapy it's self. You will find much encouragement here. Being on the forum, reading & talking, is a good step. People here have been, or still are, working on getting out of the prca. Welcome.
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Post by maggie on Jan 22, 2023 18:56:28 GMT
Just read this post. Why are you not leaving?? Your spiritual soul should be most important above all! Talk some more in here! Well said, maggie. It looks like a huge, impossible step to leave...AND it is huge. Good advice to come here often & talk, talk, talk. Talking about leaving is therapy it's self. You will find much encouragement here. Being on the forum, reading & talking, is a good step. People here have been, or still are, working on getting out of the prca. Welcome. I left years ago
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Post by susie on Jan 22, 2023 19:04:51 GMT
Well said, maggie. It looks like a huge, impossible step to leave...AND it is huge. Good advice to come here often & talk, talk, talk. Talking about leaving is therapy it's self. You will find much encouragement here. Being on the forum, reading & talking, is a good step. People here have been, or still are, working on getting out of the prca. Welcome. I left years ago ME TOO. 😂😂 I was hoping to encourage the person who dreads sitting through those boring services. Good advice to those people..come on here & talk, talk, talk. I appreciate you, maggie.
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Post by iamwhoiam on Feb 7, 2023 6:36:10 GMT
This is a remarkable article. Below, I took the liberty of copying a portion of that article. It is really amazing that most of the 10 abuse points are an exact parallel to the PRC. The PRC teaches the marks of the true church. How about some marks of an abusive church? Here is is: Spiritually abusive ministries…
1. Have a distorted view of respect. They forget the simple adage that respect is earned, not granted. Abusive leaders demand respect without having earned it by good, honest living. 2. Demand allegiance as proof of the follower’s allegiance to Christ. It’s either his/her way or no way. And if a follower deviates, he is guilty of deviating from Jesus. 3. Use exclusive language. “We’re the only ministry really following Jesus.” “We have all the right theology.” Believe their way of doing things, thinking theologically, or handling ministry and church is the only correct way. Everyone else is wrong, misguided, or stupidly naive. 4. Create a culture of fear and shame. Often there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Leaders can’t admit failure, but often search out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold them in fear and captivity. They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics. 5. Often have a charismatic leader at the helm who starts off well, but slips into arrogance, protectionism and pride. Where a leader might start off being personable and interested in others’ issues, he/she eventually withdraws to a small group of “yes people” and isolates from the needs of others. These ministries and churches harbor a cult of personality, meaning if the central figure of the ministry or church left, the entity would collapse, as it was entirely dependent on one person to hold the place together. 6. Cultivate a dependence on one leader or leaders for spiritual information. Personal discipleship isn’t encouraged. Often the Bible gets pushed away to the fringes unless the main leader is teaching it. 7. Demand blind servitude of their followers, but live prestigious, privileged lives. They live aloof from their followers and justify their material extravagance as God’s favor and approval on their ministry. Unlike Jesus’ instructions to take the last seat, they often take the first seat at events and court others to grant them privileges. They typically chase after wealth–at any cost, and often at the expense of the very people they shepherd. 8. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. These leaders and churches view those who bring up legitimate issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission. 9. Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle, but they often demonstrate licentiousness, greed, and uncontrolled addictions behind closed doors. 10. Use exclusivity for allegiance. Followers close to the leader or leaders feel like lucky insiders. Everyone else is on the outside, though they often long to be in that inner circle. If someone on the inner circle speaks up about abuses, lapses in character, illegal acts, or strong-arming, that insider immediately moves to an outsider. Fear of losing their special status often impedes insiders from speaking up. This is so important. Thank you!
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Post by mercy on Feb 8, 2023 3:21:03 GMT
I wonder what the men in Loveland would say, who expelled a 12 year old student because he was from a broken home and they had to help pay the tuition. I wonder how that fits into the whole “covenant” theology. They have yet to ask for forgiveness for their wrong doings. They won’t either bc they were called out once in a pick up basketball game, only to corner the one who called them out and forced him to agree what they did was ok. Ok, back up. This needs more background information. Why, specifically, was a 12 year old expelled? It can’t be only because he was from a broken home that wouldn’t or couldn’t pay tuition?
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hazel
Choir Director
Posts: 45
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Post by hazel on Feb 8, 2023 4:23:15 GMT
Ok, back up. I think this needs more background. Why, specifically, was a 12 year old expelled? It can’t be only because he was from a broken home that wouldn’t or couldn’t pay tuition? 1. His grandfather was dismissed as Loveland’s minister and that family was clearly unliked in the congregation by certain powerful leaders. 2. His mother skipped town and left him with his dad. 3. He suffered from more than just being from a broken home, more likely from what we now know as ADHD, possibly ODD, and other learning disabilities. 4. The administrator at the time recognized this, and was educated specifically for special needs, however, the powerful men didn’t want to waste resources they pay for on an individual kid. 5. Such the idea that if they had to help the father pay the tuition, and they pay their kids tuition, but the teacher has to take time from their kids to teach one kid, that’s unacceptable. This was actually expressed in some way along the lines of ….why should my kid suffer because this kid disrupts the class, I pay my tuition…… 6. The wife of the school board president was the choir teacher, and was aware of the last meeting the school board, father, and teachers had, demanding he “toe the line” and any infraction would cause immediate expulsion. In choir class this wife, teacher, and henchwoman, suspended him from the choir class because when she told the kids to open their mouths when they sing, he in a jokingly way, open his mouth reallllly wide. He was then expelled. 7. He then goes on to spend more than half his life in prison to later discover a sizable tumor on his frontal cortex that will eventually take his life. 8. Also important to note his Uncle has Asberger’s syndrome which was kept from the entire congregation until recently. The shaming and fear that congregation inflicts is really horrendous. That is so sad
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Post by blessed2be on Feb 8, 2023 4:46:03 GMT
Ok, back up. I think this needs more background. Why, specifically, was a 12 year old expelled? It can’t be only because he was from a broken home that wouldn’t or couldn’t pay tuition? 1. His grandfather was dismissed as Loveland’s minister and that family was clearly unliked in the congregation by certain powerful leaders. 2. His mother skipped town and left him with his dad. 3. He suffered from more than just being from a broken home, more likely from what we now know as ADHD, possibly ODD, and other learning disabilities. 4. The administrator at the time recognized this, and was educated specifically for special needs, however, the powerful men didn’t want to waste resources they pay for on an individual kid. 5. Such the idea that if they had to help the father pay the tuition, and they pay their kids tuition, but the teacher has to take time from their kids to teach one kid, that’s unacceptable. This was actually expressed in some way along the lines of ….why should my kid suffer because this kid disrupts the class, I pay my tuition…… 6. The wife of the school board president was the choir teacher, and was aware of the last meeting the school board, father, and teachers had, demanding he “toe the line” and any infraction would cause immediate expulsion. In choir class this wife, teacher, and henchwoman, suspended him from the choir class because when she told the kids to open their mouths when they sing, he in a jokingly way, open his mouth reallllly wide. He was then expelled. 7. He then goes on to spend more than half his life in prison to later discover a sizable tumor on his frontal cortex that will eventually take his life. 8. Also important to note his Uncle has Asberger’s syndrome which was kept from the entire congregation until recently. The shaming and fear that congregation inflicts is really horrendous. Not surprising... I'm from there too. Loveland is a whole other ballpark. 😕
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Post by sharikasten on Feb 8, 2023 5:04:30 GMT
Ok, back up. I think this needs more background. Why, specifically, was a 12 year old expelled? It can’t be only because he was from a broken home that wouldn’t or couldn’t pay tuition? 1. His grandfather was dismissed as Loveland’s minister and that family was clearly unliked in the congregation by certain powerful leaders. 2. His mother skipped town and left him with his dad. 3. He suffered from more than just being from a broken home, more likely from what we now know as ADHD, possibly ODD, and other learning disabilities. 4. The administrator at the time recognized this, and was educated specifically for special needs, however, the powerful men didn’t want to waste resources they pay for on an individual kid. 5. Such the idea that if they had to help the father pay the tuition, and they pay their kids tuition, but the teacher has to take time from their kids to teach one kid, that’s unacceptable. This was actually expressed in some way along the lines of ….why should my kid suffer because this kid disrupts the class, I pay my tuition…… 6. The wife of the school board president was the choir teacher, and was aware of the last meeting the school board, father, and teachers had, demanding he “toe the line” and any infraction would cause immediate expulsion. In choir class this wife, teacher, and henchwoman, suspended him from the choir class because when she told the kids to open their mouths when they sing, he in a jokingly way, open his mouth reallllly wide. He was then expelled. 7. He then goes on to spend more than half his life in prison to later discover a sizable tumor on his frontal cortex that will eventually take his life. 8. Also important to note his Uncle has Asberger’s syndrome which was kept from the entire congregation until recently. The shaming and fear that congregation inflicts is really horrendous. I feel like you have us enough clues…but I’m still clueless as to who this poor guy was.
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Post by igottalightup on Feb 8, 2023 12:15:35 GMT
1. His grandfather was dismissed as Loveland’s minister and that family was clearly unliked in the congregation by certain powerful leaders. 2. His mother skipped town and left him with his dad. 3. He suffered from more than just being from a broken home, more likely from what we now know as ADHD, possibly ODD, and other learning disabilities. 4. The administrator at the time recognized this, and was educated specifically for special needs, however, the powerful men didn’t want to waste resources they pay for on an individual kid. 5. Such the idea that if they had to help the father pay the tuition, and they pay their kids tuition, but the teacher has to take time from their kids to teach one kid, that’s unacceptable. This was actually expressed in some way along the lines of ….why should my kid suffer because this kid disrupts the class, I pay my tuition…… 6. The wife of the school board president was the choir teacher, and was aware of the last meeting the school board, father, and teachers had, demanding he “toe the line” and any infraction would cause immediate expulsion. In choir class this wife, teacher, and henchwoman, suspended him from the choir class because when she told the kids to open their mouths when they sing, he in a jokingly way, open his mouth reallllly wide. He was then expelled. 7. He then goes on to spend more than half his life in prison to later discover a sizable tumor on his frontal cortex that will eventually take his life. 8. Also important to note his Uncle has Asberger’s syndrome which was kept from the entire congregation until recently. The shaming and fear that congregation inflicts is really horrendous. I feel like you have us enough clues…but I’m still clueless as to who this poor guy was. same here. What minister was removed from Loveland?
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hazel
Choir Director
Posts: 45
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Post by hazel on Feb 8, 2023 13:28:36 GMT
I feel like you have us enough clues…but I’m still clueless as to who this poor guy was. same here. What minister was removed from Loveland? I think it was Rev. George Lanting and the boy was his grandson
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Post by prnolonger on Feb 8, 2023 13:48:32 GMT
same here. What minister was removed from Loveland? Lanting in the late 70s. Was given a handwritten note saying “You’re no longer a blessing to the Loveland congregation”. Sources close to the case state it’s believed the note matches DJE’s handwriting. A Coup of men in the congregation utilized the church visitors to strategically use the Church Order Article to remove him. He was the first to my knowledge, then Houck, Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani all were placed under the same removal strategy. If the guys financing the church don’t like what they’re paying for, this is how they fire preachers. Wow. This is the first I'm hearing of this. Crazy stuff. Yeah whatever happened to Houck? I kind of forgot about him. Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani I have an idea of what happened afterwards, but Houck just kind of dropped off the radar for me.
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Post by Skyfall on Feb 8, 2023 14:01:04 GMT
same here. What minister was removed from Loveland? Lanting in the late 70s. Was given a handwritten note saying “You’re no longer a blessing to the Loveland congregation”. Sources close to the case state it’s believed the note matches DJE’s handwriting. A Coup of men in the congregation utilized the church visitors to strategically use the Church Order Article to remove him. He was the first to my knowledge, then Houck, Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani all were placed under the same removal strategy. If the guys financing the church don’t like what they’re paying for, this is how they fire preachers. Isn't the True Church of Christ wonderful? Tell me again why I need to be part of this TRUE CHURCH, where no church is perfect?
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Post by wewerepr on Feb 8, 2023 14:01:08 GMT
Lanting in the late 70s. Was given a handwritten note saying “You’re no longer a blessing to the Loveland congregation”. Sources close to the case state it’s believed the note matches DJE’s handwriting. A Coup of men in the congregation utilized the church visitors to strategically use the Church Order Article to remove him. He was the first to my knowledge, then Houck, Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani all were placed under the same removal strategy. If the guys financing the church don’t like what they’re paying for, this is how they fire preachers. Wow. This is the first I'm hearing of this. Crazy stuff. Yeah whatever happened to Houck? I kind of forgot about him. Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani I have an idea of what happened afterwards, but Houck just kind of dropped off the radar for me. I believe Lanting fits the "cutting and culling" of ministers in the pr. I had never heard of his case before, but it fits the pattern of dismissal/firing of ministers that no longer serve the institution. I believe this scenario to be true. I don't know whether you could find a paper trail to prove it, but true it is.
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Post by Paschal Rooster on Feb 8, 2023 14:15:15 GMT
Wow. This is the first I'm hearing of this. Crazy stuff. Yeah whatever happened to Houck? I kind of forgot about him. Brummel, Dick, and Mahtani I have an idea of what happened afterwards, but Houck just kind of dropped off the radar for me. I believe Lanting fits the "cutting and culling" of ministers in the pr. I had never heard of his case before, but it fits the pattern of dismissal/firing of ministers that no longer serve the institution. I believe this scenario to be true. I don't know whether you could find a paper trail to prove it, but true it is. His obituary says he went on to serve in Pella after leaving Loveland.
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